1997’s Jack Frost #MovieReview

Time for the next random film choice and it is none other than “Jack Frost”. No not the family film released in 1998 starring Michael Keaton! No, this is the horror comedy film made a year prior to that one in 1997. Directed by Michael Cooney (who has done nothing of note since this), this film is about a serial killer named Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald (D.I. Fitch in Jarhead) who is about to be executed a week before Christmas but turns into a snowman after the truck transporting him to his execution crashes into a chemical truck. He then goes on to hunt for the man who locked him up, Sheriff Sam Tiler (Christopher Allport (Andrew Campbell from TV’s “Mad Men”). You maybe wondering why I’ve chosen what is considered a Christmas film even though we’re still in September when this review goes up. Well… truthfully, I just go on one of those random film websites and it spat this at me so I went, “Ah, why not”. This film is really known for one thing… The scene where Jack murders Jill (Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia in “American Pie”) making her film debut) in the bathtub. Yes, you read that right! A snowman murdered a woman in the bathtub. Is it worth watching for that scene alone? Absolutely! Is the rest of the film worth watching? Well… Not really but it had it’s moments. Most of them were from Jack’s cheesy one liners that made me laugh. Acting wise, it was alright nothing special but nothing to rant and rave about.  The story was told in a way kept me interested throughout but again, nothing special. Is this film worth watching over the holidays? I guess but in reality, this is more suited for October/Halloween if you want a cheesy horror film. Overall, I though the film was alright but not something you should rush online and buy/rent. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1997’s “Jack Frost”

jack-frost-1997-poster

Film – Jack Frost
Year – 1997
Director – Michael Cooney
Written By – Michael Cooney, Jeremy Paige
Starring – Scott MacDonald, Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel
IMDb Rating – 4.5/10
My Rating – 4.8/10
Length – 89 mins (1h 29min)
Genre – Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

We open with a little girls voice giving me a headache who wants a scary happy story before bedtime

And she immediately regrets it from the sound of it

Really? We’re rhyming about Jack Frost gouging people’s eyes out

I know the weathers bad but I’m pretty sure it’s not safe to have your passenger sat in the driver’s lap

Welcome to Snowmonton

Should’ve given Jack that cigarette

Did Jack just kill a guard by choking him with his boot?

You can clearly tell they reversed that shot of the trucks coming together

Jack escapes and, somehow, broke free from his chains

And Jack dies from an chemical explosion…

…But his blood absorbs into the snow??? To make him a snowman???

And now for a flashback

And back from the flashback

Can we stop with the rhymes?

He seems real happy to be going on a stroll

What the hell is that he’s making? Is it meant to cookie dough with added marshmallows?

Cut to everyone making snowmen

So far this film is pretty meh

Does everyone have the same joke about snowmen?

Wait? Those were meant to be oats? Either way Sam just threw them in the bin

Who uses a hairdryer to light a cigarette?

Someone’s died and I don’t know who

Also, it’s pretty obvious that that’s a dummy

Wait… The FBI were responsible for the chemical truck earlier?

Meanwhile, Sam’s son is still making a mess cooking snowman cookies

Didn’t I hear that same dispatch call during the flashback?

Does that store owner just give 20% off to anyone for any reason?

Don’t know why he had to put on a snowman kitchen glove

Some bullies with sledges just

And Billy’s dead from a sledge chopping his head off

Snowmonton Sheriff Department – If there’s a murder, just cover up the blood with snow

Oh! And they just walked Billy’s dead body past his parents with his head in a clear bag

I’m gonna assume that she’s making a stew otherwise why is she chopping veg in huge pieces

Can we stop with the shouting?

Yeah! Finish my scarf while mourning the death of our son

Jack doing running commentary on a man getting an axe from a tree stump

Oh! Jack just shoved an axe down his throat and killed him

“I only axed you for a smoke”

She could’ve moved but instead gets choked with christmas lights and smothered in baubles

Sam meets with Agent Manners & Stone from the FBI

So… The FBI knows that Jack is a murderous snowman???

And they won’t tell Sam?

Look, I know everyone’s dying left and right but we have a snowman contest to run

Now the store clerk is running around destroying snowmen

“What the hell’s eating him? It ain’t his girlfriend” – WHAT???

Jack is now impersonating a lollypop lady

And he just committed a hit and run!

Don’t you hate it when your pipes under the sink start leaking?

Is Joe giving plumbing tips?

Oh hey Jill! Remember her?

Girls, have you ever been so horny you wanted to have sex with your boyfriend in the sheriff’s house?

Also, who leaves their doors unlocked when there’s a murderer on the loose?

Is this a stripper rendition of “O’ Christmas Tree”?

Also, out of all the places the shag you pick the kitchen?

So… Jill dries her hair and then gets in the bath? Isn’t it usually the other way around?

“I’m the world’s most pissed off snow cone”

Death by icicle!!

And now Jill takes a bath after using the hairdryer

Well…. This is gonna be interesting!

Death by humping you against the wall

“Looks like christmas came a little early” – EW!!

What’s with the Battlefield Earth camera angles in this scene?

Dammit Agent Stone! You almost blew our secret

Yes! Shooting water works all the time

NO!!! HAIRDRYERS!!!! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!!

So… they’re gonna blow up the department with aerosols??

Oh hey store clerk!! Better save you before we leave

Wait… That actually worked?!?

Nope! Jack’s still alive

Thanks Stone for explaining how chemicals worked on Jack’s DNA

So… Their new plan is to lure Jack into the basement and burn in the furnace

Not the hairdryers again!!!

You’d think all those hairdryers and a furnace would’ve melted Jack a lot quicker than that

Bollocks!!! Jack’s still alive! And he just ate Agent Manners

Did Stone just puke up Jack?

“Don’t eat yellow snow” – Life lesson for all from Jack Frost

Here’s an idea! How about leaving the car?

Oh! I see! Jack froze the locks

Wait… The oats are making Jack melt

Who puts antifreeze in their oats?

So… Store Clerk is pouring all his antifreeze into the back of his truck

Meanwhile, Jack is stabbing Sam with an icicle

Suicide dive by Jack sends him and Jack into the truck of antifreeze

Oh hey priest

I think Jack’s dead now

Whoops! We missed an arm

Now he’s dead

Now for Jack’s funeral just as the rest of the FBI arrives

Was that last shot of the bubbling antifreeze meant to be a tease for a sequel?

THE END

 

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