Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon #MovieReview

Film 338 in the ‘1001 films to see before you die’ challenge is 2000’s “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”. Or as it’s known in Chinese, “Wo hu cang long”. Directed by Ang Lee and based on on the fourth novel, of the same name, in the wuxia book series ‘Crane Iron Pentalogy’ by Chinese novelist Wang Dulu, this Chinese romantic action drama is about two warriors in pursuit of a stolen sword and a notorious fugitive are led to an impetuous, physically skilled, adolescent nobleman’s daughter, who is at a crossroads in her life. What started off as enjoyable quickly turned during one particular scene. It’s the flashback scene where Jen and Lo first meet in the desert. Out of all the things to piss me off, they based their relationship over a comb. Not love. A comb. Who cares about Li wanting his sword back when they spent more time focussing on a FUCKING COMB!!!! As far as some of the audience may know, Jen wants her comb back because she might not want Lo to get her nits. So that entire flashback scene was rough to sit through. Another talking point is the leaping around. Having the actors leap around there and then is fine but having them leap around every second and, on occasion, have the ability to fly without anything that aids in flying is little offputting. One final nitpick…. THERE’S NO DRAGONS OR TIGERS!!! The only animals I saw in this film were camels and horses. But that’s just me. Overall, I enjoyed the first 40 minutes but after that, everything went straight off a cliff. I managed 70 minutes before I gave in. In 2000, Peter Travers from Rolling Stone magazine had this to say about the film, “For all the leaping action, it’s the film’s spirit that soars”. Fun Fact – The title of the film is from Chinese mythology. It refers to hiding your strength from others. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 2000’s “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”
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Film – Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Year – 2000
Director – Ang Lee
Written by – Wang Dulu
Staring – Yun-Fat Chow, Michelle Yeoh, Ziyi Zhang
IMDb Rating – 7.9/10
My Rating – I can’t give one
Length – 114 min (1h 54min)
Genre – Action, Drama, Romance

We open with everyone getting excited that Li has arrived

I can’t tell if this is dubbed or not

No it’s dubbed – The words don’t match their mouth movements

“I was bathed in light” – The subtitles said “I was surrounded by light”

Even the subtitles don’t match what is being said

Back to the plot and Li says he’s quit being a warrior and wants Shu Lien to deliver The Green Destiny sword

Who’s Jade Fox?

She nearly got hit in the face with a fireball

Welcome to Beijing

Sir Te rejects the sword because he thinks he’s not worthy

Sir Te has a very long ponytail

What’s better – swords or machetes?

I get the feeling someone is gonna steal that sword in it’s carry case

Why do all the men have the same haircuts?

Pretty sure tapping pots with a sword doesn’t cut them in half

Look, I’m tired, I really don’t want to be talking about family matters right now

And just as I predicted someone’s stolen the sword

Wait…. Is this masked woman the girl we just saw who didn’t wanna talk about family?

No normal person could make these rooftop jumps and land smoothly so it’s pretty obvious that strings were used

Can we stop with the flying? Even Lien’s had enough of it

This fight scene is starting to go on a little longer than it should

Ah, so Jade Fox is the girl who stole the sword

So… Your parents are forcing you to marry a random man in a few days?

Cut to the desert

A police inspector arrives and is looking for Jade Fox

Chowder? But the subtitles said they were meatballs?

Li arrives and gets told that his sword has been stolen

Li doesn’t care about his sword and says he only came to chat

Wait… why are they fighting this old woman?

Wait… She’s Jade Fox?

Did Li just stab Jade in the boob?

How dare you use my own sword against me?

Yeah… He’s dead!

Why do their teacups have lids?

It’s not cold! Look I have thermals on

So… Everyone has the ability to fly in this film?

Wait… How did Li get his sword back?

Wait… Did his sword turn into a twig?

Jade and Jen then chat about skills

Time for some lone time with my sword

Nearly halfway through and… It’s ok

Lo arrives to meet Jen and asks her to return to the desert with him

Jen is the only person I know who really likes combs

What is going on here?

Wait… All this fighting over a comb?

Again… All of this over a comb

ALL THIS OVER A FUCKING COMB!!!!!

Jen finally wins her fight with Lo after a judo throw followed by a spinning back elbow

Wait… Are we still in the flashback

Where did he get that roast chicken from?

Why is she running away? Did she get her comb? – If she did she got it off-camera where no one saw it

Really don’t care about this love angle and it’s gone on for far too long

Now that I have you tied up, time to give you a bath

THANK YOU!! Lo agrees with me that all this comb business is stupid

Lo just no sold an arrow to the chest

Wait… Now they love each other? WHAT THE FUCK!

How did we get from the desert to the Himalayas?

So… Jumping off mountains into rivers makes all your wishes come true?

YOU ARE FUCKING JOKING!!! SHE’S LETTING HIM KEEP THE COMB BECAUSE THEY HAD SEX!!!!

FINALLY! We’re back to present day

“Go away” – OK BYE

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