La belle et la bete #MovieReview

Film 313 in the ‘1001 Films to See Before You Die’ challenge is 1946’s ‘La belle et la bete’. Or as it’s known in English, ‘Beauty and the Beast’. Directed by Jean Cocteau and based on Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont’s novel of the same name, this French romantic fantasy film is about a beautiful young woman who takes her father’s place as the prisoner of a mysterious beast, who wishes to marry her. Well then… This is different to what I was expecting. I watched this trying to see what bits, if any, Disney used for their version of the film. Turns out… Only the love story between Belle and Beast. I don’t recall bitchy sisters who spit in the face of poor people. Nor do I recall people saying ‘I hope the devil smothers you in poo!’ The film itself… Well… I liked the first 30 minutes! After that, it really started to drag. I was more interested in the car alarm doing off outside my house and the Walsall/Fleetwood Town football game than I was about the film (Walsall won 3-1 in case anyone was wondering/cared). There was no one in this film that I could like. Maybe the father because he doesn’t do much after Beast threatens to kill him for stealing a rose. The sisters are utter bitches, Belle starts off being likeable but ends up being just like the sisters minus the bitchiness, Beast reminded me of the lead singer of Lordi and Avenant looked a lot like Jean Claude Van Damme. Overall, I would recommend the Disney version of this film but I would say give this a watch for historical reasons.  Fun Fact of the Film – It took Jean Marais five hours each day just to have his Beast makeup applied. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1946’s ‘La belle et la bete’

LA BELLE ET LA BETE - French Poster by Jean-Denis Malcles 1.jpg

Film – Beauty and the Beast (La belle et la bete)
Year – 1946
Director – Jean Cocteau
Written by – Jean Cocteau
Based On – “Beauty and the Beast” by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont
Staring – Jean Marais, Josette Day, Mila Parely
IMDb Rating – 8/10
My Rating – Stick to the Disney version
Length – 90 min  (1h 30min)
Genre – Fantasy, Romance

These opening credits have gone on for a while

‘Children believe what we tell them. They have faith in us’

This snare drum is giving me a headache

We open with archers shooting arrows into a girls room which nearly hit a dog

You named your dog ‘Casserole’?

This film claims all women are full of themselves (Except Belle) while men are lazy and poor

You’re letting drunk men carry you into town in wooden boxes – That’s safe, right?

Did he wish for those women to be smothered in poo by the devil? – Don’t blame him, they are real bitchy

This man looks like Jean Claude Van Damme

That punch came nowhere near his face

Belle’s dad returns home with news that one of his cargo ships have arrived

Why did we cut to a close-up of a candlestick for?

Why is the dad dressed like someone who looks like they churn butter?

You want a rose? HAHAHAAHAHA! That’s stupid! Bring me a monkey and a parrot

That man is vaping before it was cool

Back in the day, all letters were signed with feathers

Don’t you hate it when you’re in the woods at night lost and it starts raining

16 minutes in and… It’s alright

I can see the actor’s bodies through the curtains holding the candles – I know it’s meant to be only their arms we see but still!

Well then… If no one’s home then I’ll just make myself welcome

Who left this hand in the fruit basket? And why is it pouring wine?

I’m assuming this house is haunted

This music doesn’t match the mood – It’s cheerful whereas the scene I’m seeing is meant to show fear and scariness

Hello Beast!

You steal my rose… Now you will die

‘You have 15 minutes to prepare for death’ – Or sacrifice one of your daughters to take your sentence for you

Back home and Belle offers to take her dad’s place in Beast’s prison while everyone argues that everyone else is a bastard

That was a slap and a half by Avenant

Avenant has a glorious mullet – Might need The New Generation Podcasts approval on mullets

Belle steals Magnificent, a horse, and heads to Beast’s lair without no one seeing her

30 minutes in and I’m starting to get bored

Erm… Since when did doors talk?

So… You have a bedroom but no bed? Isn’t that just a room?

Mirror mirror on the table, give me an update on my father’s health

Beast finds love at first sight with an unconscious Belle

I can’t see anything

Wait… Did Belle change dresses between shots? It was grey and now it’s white! Even her hair’s different!

Look, I love you and everything but don’t look at me until after 7pm across the dinner table

Belle is a dick to hairy men! – That sounded better in my head

Why does Beast’s coat have lightning bolts on it?

I think Beast just ate a live cat judging by the background noise

Erm… Beast… Should your hand be smoking like that?

Think Beast is a little bit obsessive about Belle

Pearl necklaces? Thanks…. I guess

I have no idea what’s happening now

The way Beast says ‘Belle’ is really creepy and I don’t like it

So… Is Belle now in love with Beast? – It’s not well told if it is or not

‘You’re late’ – It just turned 7!

Beast says that if Belle doesn’t return within a week then he will die of grief

Is the reason Beast is wearing gloves because the make-up crew couldn’t be bothered to cover his hands in hair?

Belle then tells Beast that she wishes to marry Avenant which causes Beast to run away upset

Beast returns covered in smoke and blood

Meanwhile, Belle’s father is still ill and all of his things are being removed thanks to Ludovic – No idea why

Erm… You could’ve let us finish our chess game

Is it me or Beast looks like the lead singer of Lordi?

So… You keep all your riches in a pavilion and ban yourself from entering it?!?

Who sleeps with a crown on their heads?

A glove that allows you to teleport to anyplace you want?

Back with Avenant and the family as Belle returns

Her presence makes her father better?

Even with nice clothes the sisters still bitches to Belle

Avenant and Ludovic plot to kill Beast and take his riches just so Belle stays with him and marries Avenant

Erm… Magnificent… What are you doing here?

Avenant and Ludovic ride the horse to Beast’s place with the key to his riches

That mirror turned me into an monkey!

Turns out Beast is dying like he said he would in the mirror

Bugger! I’ve lost the key to Beast’s riches!

And now the mirror just broke all by itself! Good thing I have my teleporting glove!

And Beast is… almost dead next to a pond of swans

Meanwhile, Avenant and Ludovic arrive at Diana’s Pavillon but refuse to enter through the dorr incase it have an alarm

Good thing there’s a glass roof otherwise there’d be no way to get in

And Beast is dead!

And Avenant is shot and killed with an arrow by a statue

HUH?!? Beast just turned into Avenant!! Erm…. How?!

‘Love can make an ugly man nice’

So…. Beast died in his riches and Avenant got the girl of his dreams?

Wait!!!! WHAT!!!! YOU CAN FLY?!?!?!

THE END

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