Film 296 in the ‘1001 Films to See Before You Die’ challenge is 1963’s ‘The Birds’. Directed by Alfred Hitchcock and loosely based on Daphne du Maurier’s novel of the same name, this horror thriller is about a series of sudden and unexplained violent bird attacks on the people of Bodega Bay, California over the course of a few days. I was interested about this film going into it. But my interest quickly turned to boredom throughout the film. For a film about birds we spent a lot of time on a love story about Mitch and Melanie. I didn’t care about that. I wanted to see two hours of birds killing people, not a stalker-like love story involving lovebirds and random conversations with school teachers. There is one upside to all of this. That being that this is far more better than ‘Birdemic’ which is pretty much the same film but worse in every way. Plus that film thinks Ford Mustangs’ are hybrids whereas this film think four people can fit into two seater convertible. Maybe my enjoyment of the film was ruined because of ‘Birdemic’ but it’s hard to tell. Overall, I thought this film was ok. Ok enough to recommend to people to watch only once. Fun Fact of the Film – Tippi Herden wears the same green suit throughout the film. Six separate suits were all made for her by Edith Head. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1963’s ‘The Birds’
Film – The Birds
Year – 1963
Director – Alfred Hitchcock
Written by – Evan Hunter
Based On – “The Birds” by Daphne du Maurier
Staring – Rod Taylor, Tippi Hedren, Suzanne Pleshette
IMDb Rating – 7.7/10
My Rating – 4/10
Length – 114 min (1h 54min)
Genre – Horror, Thriller
So many birds in the opening credits
Welcome to San Francisco
Hmm… The film is called ‘The Birds’ and the lead actress works at a pet store
Don’t you hate it when people think you work for a shop even though you’re not in uniform
Lovebirds? Are these birds or two lovers acting like birds?
Damn! I’ve let a bird loose in the pet store! Everyone, wake your hands around in fear
Don’t you hate it when someone recognises you but you have no idea who they are
So… you’re stalking Melanie before both of you head to court
Good thing I remembered that license of this man so I can find out who he is using the DMV
Somehow, Melanie has lovebirds… and another man stalking her
Hmm… My stalker is in Bodega Bay? Well then, I’ll go and see him. Better take these birds with me
This driving scene has already gone on too long and it’s only been on for about 30 seconds.
Do people in Post Offices really know where everyone lives?
Hmm.. My stalker is both married and has two kids!
Our restaurants not only serve food but we serve boats
This film is very stalkery because Melanie wants to find the stalker’s child
That car clearly doesn’t have a handbrake
Look I don’t know you but do you fancy a smoke?
You quit smoking for 20 minutes – A NEW RECORD!!!!
‘You sound mysterious’ – Think everyone is mysterious in this film
Hope you know how to sail this boat because I sure as hell don’t! Why’d you think I stay on the docks
That is some terrible green screen
Sure! Just break into someone’s house why don’t you and leave the lovebirds behind
And nobody even spotted her! Now to escape by paddle boat
Who wears a necktie with a turtle neck jumper
How did he beat Melanie to the docks
Hmm… That seagull just scratched Melanie in the head and she’s bleeding from the hairline
One tiny cut and Melanie is selling like death
One dab of cotton and all the blood is gone – Who needs Cillit Bang when you have cotton?
Her stories don’t make any sense
How much foundation is this woman wearing
29 minutes in and I’m bored
Stop staring into my soul old woman
‘Rooms to Rent’ doesn’t mean ‘Can I spend the night so I can visit this man who I think I’m in love with’
Is it me or is Tippi Hedren a bad actress
BLINK OLD WOMAN!!!! BLINK
So… No one’s chickens won’t eat our feed!
Wait… Mitch is defending a man who shot his wife SIX TIMES IN THE HEAD for interrupting a baseball game on TV!
This little girl seems to know too much
Finally! The old woman has blinked…. doing the dishes
What was the point in lying about anything?
What’s the deal about their past about jumping into fountains in Rome naked?
40 minutes in and STILL NO HORROR OR THRILLS! Just talk about San Francisco & chicken feed
I have no idea what they are talking about – eBay is more interesting than this film
So… Is Mitch a ladies man?
Wait… Who’s Lydia?
Stupid seagull flew straight at my front door
It’s Cathy’s birthday but who cares are as Mitch and Melanie drink on the sand
WOW! That is a really bad set design
I know I’m need to drive back home tonight but I could do with a martini
Wanna make a boring film a little better – Put the film at 1.5x the speed
HORRAY!!!!! SEAGULL ATTACK!!!!
These seagulls are dicks to children… and balloons
MORE BIRDS!!! But how did they get in the fireplace when there’s no chimney
Oh God!!!!! It’s ‘Birdemic’ all over again!!
Ok birds! Have the house!
Those damn birds broke all my china plates!
It’s the next day and Lydia drives to a farm about her chicken feed problem
Those birds really have teacups
And seagulls have pecked out the farmer’s eyes
Since when could pick-up trucks from the early 60s go that fast
Wait… Since when were these two in love? I thought they hated each other
My film just skipped five minutes ahead
Cut to Melanie waiting for Annie at school
What type of song is this? It sounds like a husband’s story about his wife
Where is all those crows come from?
No time for playing in a playground as we have to practise our fire drill skills
Good God that is some bad green screening
Serious Birdemic flashbacks watching this
Also, like I said earlier, these birds are dicks to kids
An old woman arrives to tell us some info about birds
A drunk Irish man claims this is the end of the world…. Also, we have a stereotypical Irishman
Argue Argue Argue
So… If we turn all our lights off then all the birds will leave
And seagulls just attacked a man filling his car with gas
And a man just dropped his match in the gas and we all know what happens next… BOOM
[INSERT FLIGHT OF THE VALKYRIES]
Now this has slightly turned into Birdemic meets Phonebooth
So… We all just gonna stand and hide in the toilets forever
And Melanie is accused of everything because she arrived the same time the birds did
Crap! Those crows are still at the school! And so’s my car!
Annie’s dead! But Cathy’s safe inside the house
Everyone! In the car!
Oh hey Lydia! We forgot all about you
Right then, that’s all the window and doors bordered up! Let’s see if get inside now
I know we’re in a state of panic but… Anyone want coffee?
The Birds are here! Quick! Throw more wood on the fire
Despite all those barriers the bird still got in
The birds eventually leave then all the lights are out but not before attacking Melanie
Ok they didn’t leave! They’re all outside my house waiting
Turns out all the roads have been blocked
So… How am I going to fit four people in a two seater convertible and get them all to San Francisco?