The Birds #MovieReview

Film 296 in the ‘1001 Films to See Before You Die’ challenge is 1963’s ‘The Birds’. Directed by Alfred Hitchcock and loosely based on Daphne du Maurier’s novel of the same name, this horror thriller is about a series of sudden and unexplained violent bird attacks on the people of Bodega Bay, California over the course of a few days. I was interested about this film going into it. But my interest quickly turned to boredom throughout the film. For a film about birds we spent a lot of time on a love story about Mitch and Melanie. I didn’t care about that. I wanted to see two hours of birds killing people, not a stalker-like love story involving lovebirds and random conversations with school teachers. There is one upside to all of this. That being that this is far more better than ‘Birdemic’ which is pretty much the same film but worse in every way. Plus that film thinks Ford Mustangs’ are hybrids whereas this film think four people can fit into two seater convertible. Maybe my enjoyment of the film was ruined because of ‘Birdemic’ but it’s hard to tell. Overall, I thought this film was ok. Ok enough to recommend to people to watch only once. Fun Fact of the Film – Tippi Herden wears the same green suit throughout the film. Six separate suits were all made for her by Edith Head. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1963’s ‘The Birds’
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Film – The Birds
Year – 1963
Director – Alfred Hitchcock
Written by – Evan Hunter
Based On – “The Birds” by Daphne du Maurier
Staring – Rod Taylor, Tippi Hedren, Suzanne Pleshette
IMDb Rating – 7.7/10
My Rating – 4/10
Length – 114 min (1h 54min)
Genre – Horror, Thriller

So many birds in the opening credits

Welcome to San Francisco

Hmm… The film is called ‘The Birds’ and the lead actress works at a pet store

Don’t you hate it when people think you work for a shop even though you’re not in uniform

Lovebirds? Are these birds or two lovers acting like birds?

Damn! I’ve let a bird loose in the pet store! Everyone, wake your hands around in fear

Don’t you hate it when someone recognises you but you have no idea who they are

So… you’re stalking Melanie before both of you head to court

Good thing I remembered that license of this man so I can find out who he is using the DMV

Somehow, Melanie has lovebirds… and another man stalking her

Hmm… My stalker is in Bodega Bay? Well then, I’ll go and see him. Better take these birds with me

This driving scene has already gone on too long and it’s only been on for about 30 seconds.

Do people in Post Offices really know where everyone lives?

Hmm.. My stalker is both married and has two kids!

Our restaurants not only serve food but we serve boats

This film is very stalkery because Melanie wants to find the stalker’s child

That car clearly doesn’t have a handbrake

Look I don’t know you but do you fancy a smoke?

You quit smoking for 20 minutes – A NEW RECORD!!!!

‘You sound mysterious’ – Think everyone is mysterious in this film

Hope you know how to sail this boat because I sure as hell don’t! Why’d you think I stay on the docks

That is some terrible green screen

Sure! Just break into someone’s house why don’t you and leave the lovebirds behind

And nobody even spotted her! Now to escape by paddle boat

Who wears a necktie with a turtle neck jumper

How did he beat Melanie to the docks

Hmm… That seagull just scratched Melanie in the head and she’s bleeding from the hairline

One tiny cut and Melanie is selling like death

One dab of cotton and all the blood is gone – Who needs Cillit Bang when you have cotton?

Her stories don’t make any sense

How much foundation is this woman wearing

29 minutes in and I’m bored

Stop staring into my soul old woman

‘Rooms to Rent’ doesn’t mean ‘Can I spend the night so I can visit this man who I think I’m in love with’

Is it me or is Tippi Hedren a bad actress

BLINK OLD WOMAN!!!! BLINK

So… No one’s chickens won’t eat our feed!

Hoods?

Wait… Mitch is defending a man who shot his wife SIX TIMES IN THE HEAD for interrupting a baseball game on TV!

This little girl seems to know too much

Finally! The old woman has blinked…. doing the dishes

What was the point in lying about anything?

What’s the deal about their past about jumping into fountains in Rome naked?

40 minutes in and STILL NO HORROR OR THRILLS! Just talk about San Francisco & chicken feed

I have no idea what they are talking about – eBay is more interesting than this film

So… Is Mitch a ladies man?

Wait… Who’s Lydia?

Stupid seagull flew straight at my front door

It’s Cathy’s birthday but who cares are as Mitch and Melanie drink on the sand

WOW! That is a really bad set design

I know I’m need to drive back home tonight but I could do with a martini

Wanna make a boring film a little better – Put the film at 1.5x the speed

HORRAY!!!!! SEAGULL ATTACK!!!!

These seagulls are dicks to children… and balloons

MORE BIRDS!!! But how did they get in the fireplace when there’s no chimney

Oh God!!!!! It’s ‘Birdemic’ all over again!!

Ok birds! Have the house!

Those damn birds broke all my china plates!

It’s the next day and Lydia drives to a farm about her chicken feed problem

Those birds really have teacups

And seagulls have pecked out the farmer’s eyes

Since when could pick-up trucks from the early 60s go that fast

Wait… Since when were these two in love? I thought they hated each other

My film just skipped five minutes ahead

Cut to Melanie waiting for Annie at school

What type of song is this? It sounds like a husband’s story about his wife

Where is all those crows come from?

No time for playing in a playground as we have to practise our fire drill skills

CROW ATTACK!!!!

Good God that is some bad green screening

Serious Birdemic flashbacks watching this

Also, like I said earlier, these birds are dicks to kids

An old woman arrives to tell us some info about birds

A drunk Irish man claims this is the end of the world…. Also, we have a stereotypical Irishman

Argue Argue Argue

So… If we turn all our lights off then all the birds will leave

And seagulls just attacked a man filling his car with gas

And a man just dropped his match in the gas and we all know what happens next… BOOM

[INSERT FLIGHT OF THE VALKYRIES]

Now this has slightly turned into Birdemic meets Phonebooth

So… We all just gonna stand and hide in the toilets forever

And Melanie is accused of everything because she arrived the same time the birds did

Crap! Those crows are still at the school! And so’s my car!

Annie’s dead!  But Cathy’s safe inside the house

Everyone! In the car!

Oh hey Lydia! We forgot all about you

Right then, that’s all the window and doors bordered up! Let’s see if get inside now

I know we’re in a state of panic but… Anyone want coffee?

The Birds are here! Quick! Throw more wood on the fire

Despite all those barriers the bird still got in

The birds eventually leave then all the lights are out but not before attacking Melanie

Ok they didn’t leave! They’re all outside my house waiting

Turns out all the roads have been blocked

So… How am I going to fit four people in a two seater convertible and get them all to San Francisco?

THE END

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