Edward Scissorhands #MovieReview

Film 265 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 1990’s “Edward Scissorhands”. This Tim Burton romantic fantasy drama is about an artificial man named Edward (Johnny Depp), an unfinished creation who has scissors for hands. Edward is taken in by a suburban family and falls in love with their teenage daughter Kim (Winona Ryder). I had never seen this film going into this is I wasn’t sure what to expect. When you look at the poster, you’d think this would be a horror movie where Edward is the killer with a change of heart when he decides not to kill the prettiest girl in the film. If there’s one thing I will remember about this film, it’s that no one should play Tom Jones songs to try and seduce people. Watching this, I kinda related myself to Edward in a way. The only difference being that I don’t have scissors for hands. One question I don’t think the film answered or if it did I wasn’t sure how they explained it; was Edward a robot? Also, fuck Jim! Who bullies someone wearing a leather jacket with “Mom” and “Dad” written on it? Overall, this is a film I would highly recommend watching (been a while since I’ve said that). Peter Travers from Rolling Stones magazine had this to say back in 1990, “Edward Scissorhands isn’t perfect. It’s something better: pure magic”. Fun Fact of the Film – As the character of Edward, Johnny Depp said only 169 words throughout the entire film. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1990’s “Edward Scissorhands”.

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Film – Edward Scissorhands
Year – 1990
Director – Tim Burton
Written by – Caroline Thompson
Staring – Johnny Depp, Winona Ryder, Dianne Wiest
IMDb Rating – 8/10
My Rating – 7.8/10
Length – 100 min (1h 40min)
Genre – Drama, Fantasy, Romance

Thanks film for reminding me that winter is on the way
What bedroom has a fireplace?
That bed looks like it’s devouring that child
That looks like they filmed a model playset for that shot
Those are some ugly houses
They have Avon in America?
Is that Tom Jones playing in the background?
Why does this feel like a set up to a porn?
Well… That wasn’t a successful day
Hmm… I wonder if the person in the haunted house up the hill wants some cheap make-up?
For a haunted house it has a very nice garden
It wouldn’t be a Tim Burton film without some form of curls and shapes
Bit of an odd mural
Why does Johnny Depp’s character look like the lead singer of The Cure?
So… The Avon lady, Peg, just adopted Edward?!?
Don’t be scared! My friend just happens to be a goth
And Edward just found love at first sight
For a teenagers bedroom why does it look like it belongs to a child?
Damn! I just cut my face again
Does anyone still own/had a water mattress
Can doctors really help remove scissors for hands?
Ok, who uses two forks for dinner?
I’VE GOT A PEA!!! I HAD A PEA!!!
I have a carrot now
My scissorhands can also be knives for butter bread
Does everyone in this town have to do the same thing
Thanks for the tips on how to apply make-up
Erm… Who has a purple face?
Look! I can do the gardening too
See.. I turned the bush into a dinosaur
Here comes the religious woman
And there goes the religious woman
Who said I was having a BBQ?
Pretty sure that’s not how you cut lettuce
The tin opener reminds me off my past… as a knock-off Willy Wonka maker that make cookies
So… Edward used to be a machine that chopped leeks before he became human?
Pretty sure salad is not meant to be pink
I feel sick looking at this food
Wait… Edward is a robot?
Now I would put your legs together but I’d rather bore you with poetry
Oh hi Kim… Meet your new roommate
Wanna give him a straw so he can have a drink
More Tom Jones? Why not
Sorry… I’m allergic to lemonade
Better take Edward to show and tell at school
Can someone help me cut this steak?
“You can’t buy the nessessities of life with cookies” – No but you can hire me for pizza, beer and bus fare
Erm… Hope this dog doesn’t mind it’s new haircut
That dog looks terrified
Did they seriously open a hairdressers for dogs in the back garden?
I can cut bushes and I can cut dog fur.. but can I cut a human’s hair?
Short answer… yes
Is she getting turned on by having her hair cut?
Better take Edward shopping
Wait… that’s the girl I like with someone else! Don’t show emotion
This is the worst TV show I’ve ever seen
Don’t say my name! Don’t say my name!
Well.. I did not see that coming
Since when was Tom Jones music ever used for seduction
I’m expecting a horrible disaster to happen
Thankfully Edward has taste in women and leaves
Well… This bank doesn’t look shady
Wait… In order to have a loan for a business, you need a social security card and a car?!?
Time to teach Edward the art of stealing
Wait.. Why is he stealing from his own house
It was a trap! Edward’s locked in and everyone bailed
Good think Kim has some sense unlike the others
Erm… I can’t drop them
Well… Edward is in jail
And he’s out
Now everyone can’t trust him except for Peg, Kim and the rest of the family
Now I have a reason for killing Kim’s boyfriend
Don’t you hate it when a man with scissors for hands scratches the walls in a pit of rage
It wasn’t rape! You forced yourself onto him
Meanwhile, I have forgotten what’s happening
Er… Edward just made an angel out of ice
Here comes Jim to ruin everything
Also.. What bully wears a “Mum & Dad” leather jacket?
Fuck everything! Fuck your bush! Fuck your car! Fuck you all!
Meanwhile, the religious woman gets scared of a bush
Bugger off dog! I don’t wanna be disturbed
Edward returns home to find only Kim inside
So… Edward is a robot
And his dad made him human hands
Wait? What? His dad died when Edward sliced the human hands
And then sliced his dad’s face
Meanwhile, Jim and Kevin arrive at Kim’s
Oh no.. This isn’t going well for Edward
Speak up now or get arrested
Or you could run away…. Back to his old home
Clearly this is a neighbourhood with a one track mind… Except Kim
Oh! Hey Jim
Jesus! I did not see that coming out of Kim
And Jim is dead!
I’ll ignore the fact that you just killed my ex but I love you
Well… Edward is “dead”
Wait… The old woman telling the story was Kim?!?!
So… Edward is to blame for all the snow nowadays
THE END


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