Film 250 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 1928’s “The Docks of New York”. Based on John Monk Saunders’ novel “The Dock Walloper”, this romantic crime drama is about an incredibly strong ship stoker named Bill (George Bancroft) and the beautiful prostitute Mae (Betty Compson), whom he saves from drowning during his one night of shore leave. Now… Where do I start? How about starting with the fact that THIS FILM IS FUCKING SHIT!!!!! What is the plot? Is there a plot? Why does everyone in this bar have a problem with Bill looking after a woman he rescued from drowning? Why does Bill looked like I shat on his Christmas dinner in front of his wife and kids? Is the married couple a pair of swingers? Why marry someone who leaves to be a sailor out on sea for three years and act like a complete bitch when you reunite? Why am I having to ask so many questions about a film that’s only 75 minutes long? Because the film does a terrible job at telling the audience about what’s happening. I managed 25 minutes before I said “FUCK IT” and quit. Usually, when you watch a silent film, they put up text on screen with either dialogue or something that tells the viewers what’s happening. There was barely any of that here. There were bits of text for dialogue but that was it. Why are we in New York? Why did the woman try to kill herself by drowning? Overall, this film is a complete waste of time and I want those 25 minutes of my life back. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I managed to say while watching 1928’s “The Docks of New York”
Film – The Docks of New York (to pay)
Year – 1928
Director – Josef von Sternberg
Written by – Jules Furthman
Based On – “The Dock Walloper” by John Monk Saunders
Staring – George Bancroft, Betty Compson, Olga Baclanova
IMDb Rating – 7.7/10
My Rating – FUCK THIS FILM
Length – 76 min (1h 16min)
Genre – Crime, Drama, Romance
Welcome to New York
“Miles of docks wait day and night for cargo… and men”
This room doesn’t have enough smoke. Let me light up a pipe
You only get to stay in New York for one night
Why does one of these men remind me of the lead singer of Rammstein?
Think we all know what we want tonight…. SEX!!
We’re at The Sandbar
That’ll teach him
I have no idea what’s happening – I NEED THE READING!!!
Do you mind? I’m trying to kiss someone
Wait… You’re married!
Wait… She married him, he left to be a sailor and only came back after years at sea
I can’t see a thing
Someone just jumped into the docks
I know your drowning but I have to finish my cigarette first
Bill rescues the lady from drowning
She’s my bitch!
Back with the married couple
Bill takes the woman to The Sandbar
The married woman arrives and removes thre drowned woman’s tights
Does no one want to help this woman? The only one who cares is Bill (even if his face doesn say so)
BAR FIGHT! Nope, he’s got the chair stuck in the roof
What the hell is a Toddy
The woman who dried drowning is awake and smoking a cigarette
WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE GIVE ME A FUCKING PLOT!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep – Just steal rags and give them to this woman
Why does everyone in this film look miserable?
So… She wanted to die from drowning
What is this film’s obsession of kicking doors – No one believe in handles in the 1920’s
Wait… He’s been wandering around wearing wet clothes this entire time?
Bill tells this woman that he can help her get her life back on track
Back at The Sandbar
Just drink right out of the barrel, Bill
“Quiet way” – You’ve punched people, thrown barrels at walls, hit sailors with chairs and argued with everyone that looks at him
Hands off! She’s my bitch
That’s a tie? Looks more like a scarf
Is this married couple a pair of swingers?
I’m only asking BECAUSE THERE’S NO PLOT!
Again with the fighting
All this over a woman
FUCK THIS I QUIT