Get Carter #MovieReview

Film 245 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 1971’s “Get Carter”. Based on Ted Lewis’s novel “Jack’s Return Home”, this Mike Hodges British crime thriller is about London gangster Jack Carter (Michael Caine), who travels back to his hometown to discover more about the events surrounding his brother Frank’s supposedly-accidental death. For the first 30ish minutes, I wasn’t enjoying this. But I soldiered on as I read on Wikipedia that the last 25 minutes gets violent. And it did! In more ways than I expected. Throughout the film, I was confused as to whom the main villain was. Is it Eric? Is it Kinnear? Is it Margaret? So many plot holes that the film didn’t seem to answer until the last 5 or so minutes. As I sit here thinking of things to say about the film, I can’t. I am really struggling to think of anything to say. All I can say is that Newcastle in the 1970’s looked like an absolute shithole. Overall, this film is OK but nothing special. If you have seen this film or the remake with Sylvester Stallone, then let me know what you thought of them in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1971’s “Get Carter”

get_carter_ver3

Film – Get Carter
Year – 1971
Director – Mike Hodges
Written by – Mike Hodges
Based On – “Jack’s Return Home” by Ted Lewis
Staring – Michael Caine, Ian Hendry, Britt Ekland
IMDb Rating – 7.5/10
My Rating – 6/10
Length – 106 min (1h 46min)
Genre – Crime, Thriller

We open with Jack looking out of a window before watching a sex slide show
Us Northeners love wearing socks while shagging
Gerald just said “Those parts”. Subtitles say “Newcastle Mob”
These subtitles don’t even match the dialogue
Time for a train ride Up North
What train company serves soup in first class?
Shout out to The Sun
Welcome to Newcastle
That’s the world’s longest bar I’ve ever seen
Jack gets a call from Margaret at the pub but gets cut off
Rule to everyone – Don’t leave your key attached to the letter box
Is this Jack’s home?
I’m assuming so as he keeps a shotgun above his wardrobe
Also, if he’s from Newcastle, he really shouldn’t be supporting Sunderland
Ok… Who keeps their dead relative in the living room in a casket
You can tell it’s England as it’s bloody raining
Doreen arrives and chats with Jack
Fuck me this is old – Woolworths!!!!!!!!!!
Time for a funeral
Something about those Land Rovers doesn’t look right
Wait… You’re having a funeral and only four people attend?!
Shall we bury the body? Na, just throw it in the furnace
Now Margaret’s being shady
I need to be at work! I had 4 pints but I’m good to go
Better find Albert at The Races
Jack finds Eric and chat about Frank’s death
Not gonna lie, I’m a little bored
“Piss-holes in the snow” for eyes – What?!
Who drives a Cadillac in Newcastle?
Jack then knocks out a man pissing in a pond in the woods with a stick
Just break into someone’s house why don’t you
Kinnear? The second Kinnear I know to fuck over Newcastle
Time for a game of poker while we chat about Sid
He really did leave when Harry lost his money
Jack then finds his brother’s car at a junkyard
So… Frank drove into the river drunk
Jack gets news that Thorpe is looking for him
This band playing is really bad
Jack then finds Doreen having dinner
“Don’t trust boys”
I am really struggling to get through this
Better do my hair before I answer the phone
Don’t do sex talk on the phone while someone else is in the room
So… Is this Jack’s wife?
Thorpe finds Jack and gives him a train ticket home
Finally! Some violence!
Somehow Thorpe managed to run from an estate to a nightclub within 10 seconds
Jack finds Thorpe on the toilet and takes him back to his room
Jack then finds Brumby at his home in Burnham thanks to info from Thorpe
Don’t puke in the fish pond
Brumby arrives home and kicks everyone out for having a party
That slap didn’t look real at all
Why is he telling Edna everything?
Wait.. Did he just force himself on Edna?
This marching band has given me a headache
Fancy round two… in bed?
Just do what the naked man holding a shotgun says
Just wander onto the street naked with a shotgun while kids march down the street
Now to give Keith a visit while everyone watches
Now to find Margaret at the Iron Bridge about Frank
You can’t call Newcastle a “Crap House”
So… Is she working with the villains
Wait… Why is the drunk woman from the other night helping him?
Who has a headquarters on top of a multi storey car park?
Jack is taken to Brumby and says Kinnear is the one who killed Frank
Brumby looks a little like Peter Kay
May as well let the drunken woman drive me around
Your fast driving turned Jack on
Shout out to The Rolling Stones Vinyl in the background
Fancy round two while we chat about Kinnear
Now I’m watching a film within a film
So… Drunk Woman will seduce men and women.. Just because
This is the worst porno I’ve ever seen – Even Jack hates it
Just drown her in the bath why don’t you
Wait.. That other girl in the film was Doreen
Well.. This film’s turned a different corner from what I saw an hour ago
What’s the point of seeing Margaret if you know where Albert is already?
I know we hate each other but… Can I have a fag?
Wait… Who is the bad guy?
Well… Albert’s dead
Meanwhile, The Bad Guys find Drunk Woman’s car and board a boat with Jack on board
Someone’s a little trigger happy
What’s with the comedy gunshot sound effects
And Peter’s dead
And they’ve just killed Drunk Woman
Jack then returns to Brumby and beats him up and kills him
Just dump the dead body off the balcony onto someone’s car… FULL OF KIDS!!
Better send the film to The Vice Squad in London
Jack then buys drugs on a ferry before heading to bingo and finds Margaret and stalks her
Meanwhile, Kinnear’s having a party
What does he want? WHAT DOES HE WANT?
Jack then drives Margaret into the woods and demands she strips naked at gun point
Wait… You had her strip naked so you can drug and kill her!?
Meanwhile, Kinnear rings a Hitman to take out Jack
Jack has just sent police to Kinnear’s house while he visits Eric
6am… Gotta have that brandy
So… Jack killed Margaret and made it look like Kinnear killed her
And Kinnear’s been arrested
I didn’t know Newcastle had a beach
You’ve had many chances to shoot Eric
Before I kill you… DRINK ALL THE BRANDY!!!!
And Eric is dead and his body is dumped out at sea
HEADSHOT!!!! And Hitman has killed Jack before he could throw his shotgun into the sea
THE END

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s