Film 241 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 1950’s “Rio Grande”. Based on James Warner Bellah’s short story “Mission With No Record” by James Warner Bellah that appeared in The Saturday Evening Post on September 27, 1947, this John Ford western romance is about Lieutenant Colonel Kirby Yorke (John Wayne) who heads a cavalry post on the Texas side of the Rio Grande, defending settlers against Apaches launching raids from the Mexican side of the river. To me, this film really didn’t need the love interest between Kirby and Kathleen. The real relationship was between Kirby and his son who he hasn’t seen in 15 years. This film was boring to watch and seemed to drag on and on to the point where I started to nod off. There was a lot of unanswered questions in this film; why is it a requirement to ride a horse standing up? Why is John Yorke fighting with a soldier? Why do all the new recruits come across as dumbasses? And what the hell is “Marquess of Queensbury Rules”? Overall, this film is just long and boring to watch. I managed roughly 30 minutes before giving up. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is want I managed to say while watching 1950’s “Rio Grande”
Film – Rio Grande
Year – 1950
Director – John Ford
Written by – James Kevin McGuinness
Based On – “Mission With No Record” by James Warner Bellah from The Saturday Evening Post in 1947
Staring – John Wayne, Maureen O’Hara, Ben Johnson
IMDb Rating – 7.3/10
My Rating – ZZZzzzzz
Length – 105 min (1h 45min)
Genre – Romance, Western
We open with men on horses riding through a river
Here comes Kirby Yorke and his men through town
That didn’t sound like “Sick Call”.
INTERMISSION – Lunch Break
We’re back as everyone shouts “Yo”
Everyone have a beer one me
John Wayne is wearing some very tight pants
Kirby finds out that his son has been dropped by the military for failing maths
We’re at Fort Starke
Wait… Kirby’s son is here!
“Spread Eagle on a Wagon Wheel” – Sounds painful
Kirby meets with his son for the first time in 15 years
Time for horse riding training
Why is it important to know how to ride a horse standing up?
Everyone is looking for Travis Tyree, a horse thieve
Why do all the recruits come across as dumbasses?
Better impress dad with my ancient Roman horse riding
They care more about his hat falling off then whether he broke any bones
Why are they fighting?
What the fuck is “Marquess of Queensbury Rules”
And now it’s fight club
Shit! Here comes Kirby!
No one want to explain why everyone’s fighting? No!
Wait.. They ended the fight to become friends
Castor Oil for medicine?!
I really am confused
Where’s the love interest?
Speak of the devil! Here’s Jeff Yorke’s mom, Kathleen
I’m still confused
A reluctant arsonist!
Jeff doesn’t need the army. He could have been a math teacher in Lexington
Kathleen wants to buy Jeff out of the army but can’t because of Kirby
Bit odd that Kirby has a music box with a song with “Kathleen” in the title
Excuse me while we listen to our soldiers sing
This doesn’t sound like a romantic song