Film 137 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 1962’s “Heaven and Earth Magic”. I don’t know how to explain this film so here’s a quote by director Harry Smith about the film, “The first part depicts the heroine’s toothache consequent to the loss of a very valuable watermelon, her dentistry and transportation to heaven. Next follows an elaborate exposition of the heavenly land, in terms of Israel and Montreal. The second part depicts the return to Earth from being eaten by Max Müller on the day Edward VII dedicated the Great Sewer of London.” What a load of crap! I wanna know what Harry Smith was smoking/drugs he took that day because I’m assuming what I just watched was his nightmares. Nothing made sense. Why do sheep sound like trains? Do all women explode into handbags when they die? Are all statues secretly full of gin? I couldn’t even make it past the 8 minute mark! 8 minutes! This clusterfuck lasts for 66 minutes! If anyone is gonna watch it, and I have no idea why you would want to, then be prepared to have you brain explode from the sheer amount of “What the fuckness”. If you have any form of common sense, DO NOT WATCH THIS! If you already have, I feel sorry for you. If you did manage to watch all 66 minutes of this utter shite then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is watch I managed to say while watching 8 minutes of 1962’s “Heaven and Earth Magic”. Please let my next film be good…. please….
Film – Heaven and Earth Magic
Year – 1962
Director – Harry Everett Smith
Written by – Harry Everett Smith
IMDb Rating – 5.8/10
My Rating – A COMPLETE FUCKING MESS!!!
Length – 66 min (1h 6min)
Genre – Animation
It’s a man doing his best impression of John Cleese’s funny walk
Why is there sound effects of cats and dogs fighting while on screen are two egyptian coffins
It’s a watermelon!
And that bird just shat out an dancing egg
Dogs come from eggs?!?
And cats can fly?!?!
Better clear the set for more weirdness
Sheep sound like trains?!?
How to turn a cow into food – Whack it with a hammer
Now the cow has turned into a woman
Someone answer the phone
That woman just exploded into handbags
Better put a hat on this statues head
I have no idea what I’m watching
Better glue this statue to the barber chair
Now to inject some gin into the statue while a clock floats down the screen
Now I’m inside someone’s brain
Is this suppose to say that everyone always thinks about getting drunk and murdering someone with a saw
Now it’s thinking about death juggling a disco ball
What the fuck am I watching?
Fuck this my brain just exploded