2003’s Oldboy #MovieReview

Film 108 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 2003’s “Oldboy”. Or to give its Korean name “Oldeuboi”. This South Korean film is directed by Park Chan-wook and is based on the Japanese manga of the same name written by Nobuaki Minegishi and Garon Tsuchiya. This film was fantastic to watch! Even if it has made my head go into a spin to the point I’m writing this with a headache. Great acting from start to finish, even one or two memorable scenes. Most memorable, I would think, is the fight scene in the corridor. How one man can take on all those men and survive amazes me? Not even Superman could survive that! Also, this film had a lot of violence. Teeth being ripped out by hammers, being stabbed in the ear and cutting off your own tongue… just because you can! This film had you hooked right from the start and it keeps you hooked throughout the entirety of the film. Also, I’ve learned a new word from this film, “Dickshit”. Has anyone ever said that to someone? Or called someone a Dickshit? I really don’t want to talk about the movie in case I give something away. So many plot twists that I lost track but managed to jump back into it alright. In 2004, Peter Bradshaw from “The Guardian” had this to say about the film, “It’s a movie that you feel you’re not so much watching on screen as having beamed directly into your skull from some malign, alien planet of horror.” He’s right! This film is in my head and I’m afraid it might be there for a while. The final scenes of the movie were actually shot in New Zealand, not Sweden! If you have seen this film, then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 2003’s “Oldboy”

Film – Oldboy
Year – 2003
Director – Chan-wook Park
Written by – Jo-yoon Hwang, Joon-hyeong Im, Chan-wook Park
Staring – Min-sik Choi, Ji-tae Yu, Hye-jeong Kang
IMDb Rating – 8.4/10
My Rating – 8.6/10
Length – 120 min (2h)
Genre – Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Holy shit we’re starting off tense
He’s hanging him off a building by his tie whilst holding his dog
Is this what it’s like to hang out with drunk friends
Just let the man piss
So… What did you guys get arrested for?
“He should be locked up” – Yes! He’s attacking police officers
He left his mate to talk to his wife on the phone! Clearly he’s a asshole
Wait! The birthday present!! Was he kidnapped?!?
Someone has him kidnapped in a cell
It’s already been two months?!?
That’ll teach you to stick your head out of holes in doors
This is a jail cell? Looks pretty nice… minus the broken plates
Many years have passed and I’ve lost the will to live
“They cut my hair in my sleep” – In his words “generous bastards”
Better watch the Korean version of “Pumping Iron” in my spare time?
EW! A bug just crawled out of his skin
Now he’s covered in bugs
My head is already going into a spin and we’ve only just started
He’s gone mad! Better drug him some more
I’m being told that TV is better than school!
I didn’t need to see you masterbating thanks
He’s gone mad again! Better drug him some more and leave the blood stains in the carpets
Better practise my kung fu on the wall
I’VE BROKEN MY HAND!!! That won’t stop me
Is he stabbing himself with ink in his hands?
Better do my best “Shawshank Redemption” to get out of here
Did I just see Prince Charles
Now I’ve seen Kim Jong-Un
Now the 2002 World Cup highlights of South Korea beating Italy
That is someone who has clearly not felt rain in 14  years
She has some very skinny legs
Who left this suitcase in the middle of a field?
Well… I guess that’s one way to escape
It’s not a field! It’s a rooftop and the man from the start with his dog
PUT THE DOG DOWN!!!
I can’t tell if he wants to murder him or kiss him
So… He didn’t kill him! He wanted to tell his story to him
Good thing the dog is still alive
Good god you’re an ugly woman
May have spoke too soon as the dog owner (and maybe the dog) killed themselves by jumping off the roof
I want your cigarette!
“Dickshit” – That;s a new one
“Television doesn’t teach you swear words”
But it can teach you how to beat you a gang of teens
Here’s a phone and a wallet! Don’t ask who I am or where I got them
That’s a lot of money!
Better start by spending some in a sushi restraunt
He recognises the chef from the TV
Sweet ringtone
Just name everyone in South Korea, you’ll get it right soon
Back when flip phones were a thing
Jesus! He just bit the head of a live octopus
NOW HE’S EATING IT
I now feel sick
She knocked him out just by touching him
How did you get my diaries?
Excuse me while I use my diaries as a pillow
Thanks for the free drgus
Better try shagging this woman while shes on the toilet
What the fuck? Where did the knife come from?
Those are some big blisters on his knuckles
So… when you’re alone, all you think about is ants?
That is a badly CGI ant
His daughter has been adopted by Swedish doctors
Oh… and his wife has been killed while he was locked up
Leave me alone! I’m off to Stockholm
But first.. Let;s have a fried dumpling
Those bastards fed me takeaway food in prison!
GIVE ME ALL YOUR DUMPLINGS!!!!
Better set you up with an MSN account
Bye lover! Off to hammer in a nail or two somewhere
Like he cares about how the food is cooked
It’s hammer vs knife! Who will win?
We don’t know as we look at spreadsheets instead
Think you’ve used an entire roll of tape to tape him to his chair
He’s ripping his teeth out with the hammer!!!
We keep all our records in a biscuit tin
It’s one man against an entire corridor
He’s beating everyone of them up
Well… He was
Those baseball bats must be weak if they break that easily
He’s been stabbed in the back with a knife and he’s still on his feet fighting
He’s the Korean version of Boromir
I’m so mad I’m taking my shirt off in rage!
He’s beaten all of them and can finally smile
He’s beaten the reenforcements in the lift as well
Don’t mind me. Just a man covered in blood walking down the the street
Better send him home to find this random woman asleep
He hears the tape he collected and hears everything
Don’t you hate it when people spy on you
He meets with his mate who owns an internet cafe
What the hell is Nate.com
Now he’s attacking the woman he’s spend those nights with
My worst enemy lives across the road from me!!!
They’ve given him 5 days to do something otherwise every woman he’s loved will die
This guy really loves to use quotes
Who has a remote control for their heart?
Shit!! I left the front door unlocked
He’s got his teeth back
Now to do the same to you
Does he have crystals for teeth now?
Why is he laughing?
We’ll be leaving now we have money
Not before one last shot with a baseball bat
Nice to know the bad guys drive Jaguars
Not our hero! He drives a Izusu
Just casually walking through the office naked
So… the bad guy is doing this to make her fall in love with him
Time for some torture sex
Now that’s over with, lets dry your hair
Better spy on the girl I love now I’ve gassed the room
They;ve left a hand in a box for them
They put a computer bug in my shoe!
This is everything we need to know about our villians
Time to reminise about our school days
The bad guy is spying on the internet cafe’s mate on the phone
Better kill you with a broken CD
So… he killed this guy because he called his dead sister a slut
Better practice my yoga while I wait
Meanwhile at the dentist
They return to his old jail cell and give some guy the ring
So… Are they friends now?
Either way, she’s been sacrificed
Better have a chat with at a hairdressers
Why does he have a shower cap on his head?
Why is the camera so focused on her knees?
Flashback to when I was teaching bicycle lessons in prison
You better watch me lift!
You’re story was so boring I’m leaving
Trying to remember myself 20 years ago is harder than it looks
Time for a photoshoot in a empty classroom
Don’t mind me. Just taking your pants off
“I WANNA SEE PUSSY”
Nope! Well… “LET ME SEE TITS!!!!”
He’s having a hard time unbuttoning her shirt
And there’s the boob
Why does she need a mirror to see what he’s doing? Just look down
Time for me to leave for Seoul
So…. Because he saw his sister have sex with someone in school, that’s why he was locked up?!?
His black eye healed up very quickly
Time to meet my enemy at his office
Damn! I’ve forgotten the code to the penthouse
Here’s a gun… if you need it
“You slept with your sister” – Just say it out loud why don’t you
Also… Insest is now involved?!?
Did he stab them with a broken toothbrush
He has a tattoo of a cross above his ass crack
That was an epic close up
So… Tongues get women pregnant?!?
Wait… Was that the present we saw at the beginning in her suitcase?
So… They were hypnotised this whole time
It all started with the octopus at the restraunt
I do like is walk-in wardrobe
Excuse me while I play with my laser
Someone’s excited about a present on the desk
WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!?
A photo album containing photos of him, his wife and his daughter
Damn! These wings can’t make me fly
This helper is a bad ass
That is one slow breaking window
Hang on! Why he bleeding from the ear?
He was stabbed in the ear!!!
Better stab you in the neck for revenge
He just shot his helper!
Damn! I got blood all over my new suit
Good thing I have a pond in my office
Sweet ringtone!
She has a box of her own!
He admits he’s committed a sin
Did he say he’s gonna eat him if this girl finds out the truth
Let’s sing about the past as Evergreen… No!
Why is he acting like a dog?
Meanwhile, the bad guy has been crying with laughter throughout
Don’t do what I think you’re gonna do
Good God he did!
He chopped off his own tongue with scissors
Why did he do that?
May as well hug you while I have a gun to your head
Wait! He’s just switched off his heart!
Or did he? He’s playing a tape of them having sex
Flashback to when I threw my sister off that bridge and killed her
Better take one last selfie before I die
The bad guy just shot himself in the head
Meanwhile in Stockholm
His daughter reads his letter
Wait! The good guy’s still alive!!!!!
Since he’s dead! This penthouse is mine!!!
“All monsters die a peaceful death at the age of 70”
She travelled all that way to find him
THE END
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