It’s here! It’s film 70 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” Challenge. And this is a special edition of the Film/Movie Review blog as I’m doing this in a very shitty hotel room in London where the hotel offers wifi but it turns out it’s broken and only works if you bring your computers/laptops to the toilets in reception (don’t ask why), the bed and air conditioning are broken, I can hear the people in the next room having sex, the bathroom smells of weed and Chinese takeaway. Long and short, don’t stay at Queens Hotel in Crystal Palace, London. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about film 70 in the film challenge. Its 1982’s “Poltergeist”. Throughout the entire film, all I was thinking was, “Family Guy did a parody of this!” This is listed as a horror film. I didn’t think it was a horror film but it did give me a few jumps throughout. I thought this was more of a thriller movie. I was gripped from the first minute to the last. I very much enjoyed this. I did think when they defeated the spirits the first time that the film would end when the kids are asleep and the mother is relaxing in the bath. I was unaware of what happened afterwards even after seeing the Family Guy parody. I recommend checking this out and giving it a watch. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while I watched 1982’s “Poltergeist”
Film – Poltergeist
Year – 1982
Director – Tobe Hooper
Staring – JoBeth Williams, Heather O’Rourke, Craig T. Nelson
IMDb Rating – 7.4/10
My Rating – 7.3/10
Length – 109 min (1h 49min)
Genre – Horror
Nothing like the USA National Anthem to start
Every TV Station goes to static once the days done
That dog just stole her crisps
Stupid dog woke me up! Better walked downstairs
This child’s favourite TV show is static
Does she think the TV can talk to her?
Was he sleeping while wearing a baseball cap?
Nothing like visiting the countryside
This seems like a nice place to live
Like a radio control car can travel that far
Damn kids, I spilt my beer
Shout out to the Star Wars duvet
NO!!! The bird’s dead!!!
Nothing like a group of lads watching NFL
Stop changing the channel
Why do they share the same cable providers?
Mummy, why are you flushing the bird down the toilet?
Better give it a proper burial with a photo, a rose and a sheet of kitchen roll
Looks like rains on the way
Is she quoting Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”?
My pet bird just died! I NOW WANT A GOLDFISH!
Nothing like a good comic book before bed
Shout out to the Alien movie poster in the background
The kids are asleep! Better smoke that weed!
Nothing like reading a book about Ronald Reagan before bed
Are you using diving into a swimming pool as foreplay?
That a scary looking clown doll
Better cover its face with Chewbacca’s
You never saw us smoking
The tree is haunting me which begs the question – Why doesn’t he just close the curtains?
Does counting between lightning and thunder really work?
Stop having phone sex
Let’s have everyone sleep in the same bed apart from the teenager
Better play the USA National Anthem again
Is it wrong that I don’t know the lyrics to both the British and American National Anthems?
The TV is making weird whispering noises
A hand has just come out of the TV
Better get rid of that tree
Stop playing with your food
That news man has a giant moustache & hair
Now how did that glass shatter – Cue Steve Austin to make an entrance
Better put static TV back on
Well that fork and spoon are buggered
Don’t watch static TV, watch this war documentary
The dog is barking at a hole in the wall
Is the hole controlling the dog?
That builder just stole a spoonful of baked beans
Wait… everything’s been cleaned up
How did those chairs get up there?
Just blame the “TV people”
The dad has a job selling houses in his neighbourhood
Looks like it’s gonna rain again tonight
Better try and explain everything to the husband
You got far too excited about that chair moving by itself
Better try the same thing again with the child
Now many mosquito bites did he get
Who do you ring when furniture moves by itself?
The tree’s alive!!!!
This is some spooky shit!
Poltergeists love toys it seems
This is the second film I’ve seen where a tree has attacked someone although this one didn’t rape the child
That is one strong child
Well that’s one way to clean a room
So… where has Carolane gone?
The TV is talking to me!
Let’s just act like this never happened
Better explain myself to detectives
“We don’t go in the room anymore” – You’s can go in though
What the fuck happened in here?
Poltergeist wants coffee
Now I know all about poltergeists – And knowing is half the battle
Those are some big glasses
Better show the detectives that my daughter is in the TV
The dogs freaking out again
“I’m afraid of the light”
The roof just dropped jewellery
“She just moved through me” – Wait… what?!?
“Smell my clothes” – I finally washed them
Better check the bedroom clauset
That is a giant bite in his stomach
Leave the TV on – It’s our only source of light in the house
Drinking on the job! My idea of a professional!
I can’t understand this kids whispering
I would put subtitles on but PowerDVD put my settings on Japanese!
The answers to all of life’s questions are in the light!
“I got beat up by three bullies at school and they stole my lunch money!” – Bastards!
While everyone’s asleep I’ll snack on these Cheetos
Just gonna steal your beef in the fridge and cook it if that’s alright while your asleep
That beef is moving by itself – I am now a vegetarian
Were there leeches in his mouth eating the chicken wing?
Now his face is melting
It was all a dream!
How has ne not noticed that the camera is moving by itself?
Oh – He’s listening to Hall & Oates!
Is the upstairs meant to be smoking like that?
The poltergeist is alive! And is a woman!
It just vanished into thin air
So many poltergeist!
Better send Robbie and the dog to Grandma’s while we deal with this
Quick question – Where’s the teen?
Please don’t show this on 60 Minutes
You bitch! You drank my gin!
Better send the boss outside and not let him know about the poltergeists!
Better knock before I enter the room we don’t enter anymore
The dad and the boss go for a walk to look at a new proposed building site
The boss says they’ll build Dad a new house for giving the company 42% profits
The site in question is a cemetery! Isn’t that sacrilegious?
The boss tells Dad they’re house is built on an old cemetery back in the 1970’s
Who the hell is she?
And why does she have a little girl voice for an old woman?
I just realised that their house has a bar
This random woman visits the room
I would laugh if she offers her hand and she has one of those eclectic zapper things
The woman says the daughter is alive and in the house
She tells everyone that the poltergeists aren’t aware that they’re dead and not alive
She also says the daughter can only talk to the mother
She then says that one poltergeist is evil and is controlling the daughter to do everything it says
Tennis balls – check, Rope – check, everyone outside the room – check
Let the plan begin to get the daughter back
“Get angry at your daughter” – You fucking answer me or you’re getting a beating
Time to enter the room – Dun dun dun!
It’s a rave in the kid’s room!!
The woman throws a tennis ball and it ends up downstairs
The woman then makes the mother tell the daughter to do the opposite to what she said to do earlier
The dad throws a rope into the light
“You’ve never done this before! Neither have you! Ok you go!”
Now’s not the time for hugs and kisses
The mother enters the light to get the daughter
Shit is getting serious!
What the fuck is that?!?
Both the mother and daughter return to the real world covered in what looks like red jello
Well… my work here is done!
The woman says the poltergeists have left the house
Better move out of this house before they return
We’re spending the night at a hotel
“I remember that place” – It’s the place where I (CENSORED]
The daughter doesn’t remember any of it
How does someone suddenly get grey hair within one night?
Better die my hair to get rid of the grey
That dog just looked at the mother naked getting into the bath
So… we meet again clown! You don’t scare me
Is this how this film ends with everyone asleep?
Where’s the clown gone?
It’s behind you!
Looks like the poltergeists never left
The mothers crawling on the ceiling
Robbie rips up the clown doll as the kids are locked in their room
The mother somehow ends up outside and in the swimming pool
The dead are coming back to life!
Nice to see the neighbours finally help out
That hallway suddenly just got longer
What the fuck happened to the closet?
The mother saves the kids from their room as dad and the boss return home
Let’s blame the boss about everything
So that’s where the teens been all this time
The house is being demolished
Well let that be a lesson to all property developers! Don’t build houses on cemeteries
Wow! The Holiday Inn looks like crap in the 1980’s
Think I’m getting fired in the morning! Goodnight!
Better throw the TV out in the rain to avoid all that happening again