Paranormal Activity #MovieReview

Film 67 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge is 2007’s “Paranormal Activity”. I sum up everything in one word, “meh”. I spend 83 minutes bored. There was a few interesting bits but I was wound up getting so bored that I decided watching Rotherham United vs. Leeds United more interesting. Spoiler alert, Rotherham won! I just found myself hating both main characters. Ok, there’s a total of three people that appear in the film, but I just hated both of them. Micah was nothing but an annoying twat and all Katie did was either complain or cry. It’s been 5 minutes after viewing the film and I have no memory of anything I saw. I felt like I watching someone try and make a career as a vlogger on YouTube and failing. At no point did I think any of this was real. I just watched it trying my hardest to see if someone from behind the scenes was either pulling on a string to make the door slam. I may have found this rather dull but it must have made a killing in the box office as there has been a load of sequels (according to rating on IMDb, #2 has a 5.7, #3 has a 5.9, #4 has a 4.5 and the most recent one “The Marked Ones” has a 5.0). There’s one more to be released in March next year entitled “The Ghost Dimension”. Looking at those ratings, I question how this now has six sequels. From just looking at the posters, it looks like the same thing happens in every film. Enough ranting. If you have seen this or any of the Paranormal Activity series then let me know what you thought of them in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 2007’s “Paranormal Activity”

Film – Paranormal Activity
Year – 2007
Director – Oren Peli
Staring – Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs
IMDb Rating – 6.4/10
My Rating – 5/10
Length – 83 min (1h 23min)
Genre – Horror
Wait! There’s two versions of this! A theatrical and a Alternative!!!
Fuck it! Theatrical version it is!
Who vlogs with a camera that big?
That is not a knife I want to slit my wrists with
Are you talking to the camera?
“You’re the best boyfriend” – Apart from the times you shove a camera in my face
That staircase is more popular than these two
You can’t play guitar!
It was just the ice maker!
Micah has a foot fetish
No strip tease! This film sucks!
This is turning into a stalker film than a horror
3 hours later
It sounds like the neighbours had a late night
This Coin Net shirt is on screen for too long
Is it a doctor or is a psychic?
What is a “Day Trader”?
This scene is boring!
I’m more interested in the Rotherham United vs Leeds United football match
Fucking hell! Leeds are winning!
It sounds like this ghost has been stalking Katie all her life
If I’m a ghost, I’d check to see if water from the taps works
This is now turned into an episode of MTV Cribs
All that’s missing is the pimped out Ferrari
So… Micah just does the opposite to what the psychic said
Damn! That’s another chance of this turning into a sex tape ruined!
That would have made things more interesting
“The door is moving by itself” – Are you sure it’s not being pulled by a string?
Nice to know Micah likes spiders
Yeah… shouting at ghosts! That’ll work
And this is the part where couples start to hate each other
Again, if I was a ghost, first thing I would do is check to see if the front door is locked
Someone had a bad dream!
Again, shouting at ghosts! That’ll work!
Even Katie agrees with me and agrees that this whole thing is shit
Never interrupt “Girl Time”
Why is Micah dressed like he’s just spent the day at the office
And Rotherham have just scored! Alex Revell with the equalizer to make it 1-1
Micah says he won’t buy a Ouiji Board – I have the feeling he will
Again, shouting at ghost! Hasn’t he learnt anything?!
Well that was a loud bang!
Not sure that chandelier is meant to be swinging
“Can you hear that?” – No! You’re talking over it!
“This is golden shit” – You wish!
Better blame the camera for all our problems
Again, talking to ghosts! Like this will work!
Nice to know Micah has Audacity
And it’s 2-1 to Rotherham! Jonson Clarke-Harris with the goal!
Goddamn it! Katie’s sleepwalking!
Well… she’s sleep stood up!
Now she’s sleepwalking
That staircase is still more popular than these two
She wondered outside to sit on the gardan furniture at 3am in pjs
Who turned the TV on?
Also, it’s nice to know that a ghost’s favourite TV channel is static
Wait! Katie doesn’t remember any of this!
Better show her the proof
Micah went and bought a Ouiji Board!
Who borrows Ouiji Boards?
And this relationship just took a turn for the worse
And the Ouiji Board is on fire!
How the hell did nothing burn down in the four hours they were out
Well I guess Micah is sleeping on the couch tonight
So Micah has been forced to only use the camera all the time
And once again, Micah is interrupting Girl Time
Time for the powder test
It actually worked!
Who’s been in the attic?
Why are they checking Katie’s feet!
This attic is covered in yellow shit!
Micah found a photo of a young Katie in the attic
So the demonoligist isn’t available so I better bring the psychic back
Again, shouting at ghosts! Like that worked the last few times
1 hour 2 minutes for things to finally pick up
Still finding this football match more interesting
“You gotta get some sleep” – I would if there wasn’t all this banging
So the ghosts haunts them during the day as well as at night
Hmmm… a cracked photo frame
The psychic arrives and instantly says he has to leave
Full time and Leeds have lost to Rotherham United 2-1
Who knocks at the door at 1:34am?
That ghost just got into their bed
Again, who knocks at the door at 3:04am?
Here’s a tip to Micah! DUMP HER!!!! SHE’S EVIL!!!
Wait, this exact same thing happened to a woman in the 60s?
Can you seriously believe everything you read online?
Does Katie blame everything on the camera?
What in the hell has happened here?
Katie just got dragged out of bed
Why are we not seeing her being dragged down the hallway?
That got interesting for 15 seconds
Something bit her in the lower back
Hmm… a bloody hand from holding a cross! Is she a vampire?
Micah just burned the cross!
Katie suggests they stay another night at home rather than go to a hotel
You would have thought that Micah would have known by now that Katie is possessed
And she’s sleepwalking again!
I’m watching you sleep!
Just sleepwalking downstairs
Again, why are we not seeing this?
Well… Micah’s dead and Katie’s covered in blood
Back to reading
“Katie’s wereabouts remain unknown” – No there not! She’s in all the other Paranormal Activity films!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s