James Bond: Goldfinger

WOO!!! 50 films!!! Yes, I have made it to film 50 in the “1001 films to see before you die” challenge. And I decided to celebrate by watching my first ever James Bond film. The film in question… 1964’s “Goldfinger”. For my first Bond film, I very much enjoyed it. One thing that took me by surprise was when I heard Pussy Galore say her name. That has a “what did I just hear” moment. One thing I will question is this; If Goldfinger is French (I think) then why does he have all of his work, excluding women, be Asian? I didn’t really understand why but I won’t complain because I loved Oddjob. Who doesn’t love a tough as nails bastard who can chop metal bars in half with his hands and walk around with a blade hidden in his top hat without slicing his own forehead open? I thought Sean Connery was alright as 007. With this being my first taste at a Bond film, and a Sean Connery film to boot, I can’t really say much apart from that I liked his performance. Connery has already made two Bond films before this one with Dr. No (1962) and From Russia with Love (1963) and would later go on to make Thunderball (1965), You Only Live Twice (1967) and Diamonds Are Forever (1971). With one other Bond film in my list, 2012’s Skyfall staring Daniel Craig, I will be very interested to see how Craig’s portrayal of Bond is compared to Connery’s. If you have seen any of the Bond series, then let me know which one is your favourite film and who was the best bond (Connery, Lazenby, Moore, Dalton, Brosnan & Craig) in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1964’s “Goldfinger” (cue Shirley Bassey)

Film – Goldfinger
Year – 1964
Director – Guy Hamilton
Staring – Sean Connery, Gert Frobe, Honor Blackman
IMDb Rating – 7.8/10
My Rating – 7.84/10
 
Nothing says Bond like that theme music
I’m at a small dock
One boot to the face and that guard is knocked out
How builds an office inside a power station?
Time to blow this sucker!
From a scuba outfit to a tuxedo in a flash!
EXPLOSION!!!!
“Heroin-Flavoured Bananas!?!?”
Please excuse me while I shag the maid
KISS ME BITCH!
There’s a man behind you!
And that is why you don’t have electicals in bathtubs filled with water
That was a terrible pun
Time for the Goldfinger theme by Shirley Bassey
That woman is gold… and a protection screen
“Welcome to Miami Beach”
Miami looked a lot nicer back in the 1960’s compared to when I saw it in 2008
This hotel has everything! How much for a room?
Felix finds Bond and Dink by poolside
James slaps Dink on the ass and she leaves so they can have “man-talk”
Goldfinger dresses in yellow! 
That looks blue screened
Bond just broke into Goldfinger’s room and finds Jill Masterson spying on the card game helping Goldfinger
Bond knows how to charm ladies
Look how angry I am! I snapped my pencil!!!
Bond invites Jill to dinner
That’s not the type of dinner I had in mind
That phone has no dials
Now then… Where were we?
Bond doesn’t like The Beatles!!!
Someone just knocked him out!!! – But who?
Jill’s still in bed… BUT SHE’S GOLD!!!
Does Goldfinger carry around gold paint on him at all times?
Back in London
Better explain this to the Prime Minister
008? Who’s he? Or she?
Moneypenny? Is that really her name?
Bond asks THE BANK OF ENGLAND about the value of gold
This brandy is shit!
How does Bond know so much about achohol?
Goldfinger is a jeweller in Kent? Who happens to be French?
That gold bar looks a bit battered
That’s worth £5000!!!
What wacky inventions have you got for me, Q?
An Aston Martin DB5 with mobs
A homer?
Controls in the arm rest
A passenger ejector seat in the gear stick
How Scottish did Bond sound when he said “You’re joking?”
Bond and Goldfinger meet for golf
Goldfinger invited his own cabby, Oddjob
I’ll take a bogey
All even with two holes left
Bond puts the gold on the line – Bet he’ll regret that
Goldfinger’s ball ended up in the rough
Oddjob had a ball in his pocket
Bond is stood on the original ball
Don’t say anything about the ball switch
That a terrible shot
The rules have cost Goldfinger the win and Bon keeps the gold
He places the tracker in Goldfinger’s car while no ones looking
Oddjob has bladed hat
Goldfinger is taking his car and himself to Geneva
Bond’s flight to Geneva leaves 30 minutes after Goldfinger’s
Geneva looks like a nice place
She’s driving a bit recklessly
That woman just tried shooting at Bond
Bond finds her and chases after he
She just came to a sudden stop
Your name is Erm!
Ok it’s Tilly Soames
Who has a suitcase just for “ice skates”?
Bond leaves Tilly at a garage and drives to Auric Enterprises for a little bit of spying
Goldfinger’s at Auric!!!
Time to break in!
Why are the guards dressed like Thunderbirds?
They’re turning Goldfinger’s Rolls Royce into gold – Every bit of the car
Bond has enough evidence and hides in the forest to retreat
Tilly’s arrives with a sniper and wants to kill Goldfinger
THEY HAVE ESCAPED!!!
Smoke screen ACTIVATE
Any other tricks?
Red liquid?
That causes an EXPLOSION!!!!
Activate the rear window bullet proof thing
IT’S ODDJOB!!!
He’s hit Tilly with his hat!
Drive me to factory
Who leaves an old woman in charge of a security gate?
Ejector seat ACTIVATE!
That old woman has a SMG!!!
Better find another way out
THEY’RE GONNA CRASH!!!
No they won’t! Bond decides to crash into a wall instead
Bond awakens strapped to a table
Goldfinger has him strapped to the table with a lazer pointed at his testicles
That lazer is cutting through gold
008 knows the same amount of information at him? Why aren’t they there to help?
“Operation Grand Slam” gets Goldfinger to switch the lazer off
And once again, James Bond is knocked out!
He awakes to find Pussy Galore
Sorry! I’m taken back by that name! 
Bond is on a plane on his way to Baltimore
“Martini, shaken not stirred”
You’re a pilot and you’re walking around the plane! You are a terrible pilot!!!
Pussy is ammune to charm – What did I just type?
55 minutes to hatch a plan
First step… dress in better clothing
That clock has a spy hole!
And so does the hole in the wall
And the mirror
You still have the mini tracker!
How to cover up a hole that you know someone is spying in – Spray shaving cream
Pussy aims her gun at Bond and tells him they will arrive in Baltimore in 20 minutes
Best tell the Prime Minister about Bond
Goldfinger is taking everyone to Kentucky?
ODDJOB!!!
He takes Bond away 
Meanwhile, Pussy watches female pilots land to receive orders
We’re in Kentucky?
I’m only guessing because of the banjo music
They’re making Bond sleep in the basement jail cell
Kentucky does have a Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC)!!!!! – I KNEW IT!!!
They’re having a meeting in a horse rank in Kentucky
Goldfinger has a control panel hidden in the pool table
He shows these mob looking men a map of his bank in Fort Knox
Goldfinger wants to rob Fort Knox?
Is this a meeting or a theatre show?
Back with Bond who is waving at a guard
I’m in the elevator
The guard fell for the elevator trick and unlocks the door
Bond attacks the guard and knocks him out with a kick to the jaw
Bond leaves with the guards gun and locks the door before overhearing Goldfinger’s plan
“Fort Knox is a bank!”
Bond finds the meeting and spys on it through the model Fort Knox
Blow up an electric fence?!?
Solo wants his money now 
Bond removes his chip and gets tripped up by Pussy Galore
He hands over the gun and gets locked out by a man in a suit
He’s on Bond’s side!
Who ever he is, he just switched on the gas
Solo takes his gold and leaves but not before Bond slips his note and tracker in his pocket
Felix finds the tracker and follows it
They think it’s Bond! 
Oddjob is driving Solo somewhere that isn’t the airport and kills him
He takes the car Solo is in to a scrap yard to get the car crushed
You would think Oddjob would have taken the gold out of the trunk before the car got crushed
If Solo wasn’t dead before… he is now!
Oddjob takes the crushed remains on the back of a truck and leaves
That switched off the tracker and that loses Felix
Felix arrives at Goldfinger’s range and spys on him
Kish takes Bond to Goldfinger and they have a chat
Goldfinger wants to break into Fort Knox and NOT STEAL ANYTHING!!!
Oh No! My DVD just skipped a bit!
So… 
OK, Pussy’s pilots are taking off in their planes for Operation Grand Slam
They fly to Fort Knox and spray the knockout gas over it
That gas knocks people out quickly!
How to defeat an entire Army – KNOCKOUT GAS!!!
Bond is with Oddjob and they head into Fort Knox wearing gas masks
Everyone in the town is out like a light
Felix was at Fort Knox and he’s out as well!!
Time to blow the gates!
They’re in!!
Activate the lazer!!!
Oddjob is handcuffed to Bond
They use the lazer to cut open the metal door to get inside
A helicopter arrives with Goldfinger and Pussy
They break into the safe and send a bomb inside
Everyone awakens when the bomb is activated
They decide to handcuff Bond to the bomb and let Oddjob leave with Goldfinger
Goldfinger locks Oddjob in the safe then kills his own men!!!
Oddjob lobs a guard over the barrier and kills him
Bond frees himself from the handcuffs and the bomb and runs
Oddjob throws his hat at things
Oddjob is a no selling bastard
Two and a half minutes before the bomb goes off
Bond uses Oddjob’s hat to his advantage… not really
But he does electricute him rendering Oddjob dead
Less than a minute left 
That footage looked like stock
The guards open the safe and as Bond tries disarming the bomb
30 seconds left
CUT THE RED WIRE!!! THAT ALWAYS WORKS
Felix and his men arrive and switch off the bomb with 7 seconds left
Bond has been invited to visit The President
GOLDFINGER’S ON THE PLANE!!!
FIGHT!! It’s Bond vs. Goldfinger
Goldfinger shoots a hole in the window and flies out of it
Pussy can’t control the plane… But Bond can!!!
It’s like that scene from Airplane!!!
They crashed
Bond and Pussy kiss and have sex under a parachute as the credits role! – Excuse me for saying this but… Bond got some Pussy 😉
THE END
MORE SHIRLEY BASSEY
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