Pandora’s Box (Die Büchse der Pandora)

Film 49 in my “1001 films to see before you die” challenge is 1929’s “Pandora’s Box”. Or to give it it’s proper title, “Die Büchse der Pandora”. I only watched three acts in this film. This isn’t because I didn’t like it. Nor was it a case of tiredness. It was more “I have no idea what’s happening”. Everything was happening at lightning speeds. I had no clue how was in love with who. From what I saw, Lulu pretty much wanted to have sex with anything that had a penis. All the men looked creepy. Dr Schon reminded me of Combat Zone Wrestling owner DJ Hyde. Everyone came off as a prat. I couldn’t get attached to any of the characters. I don’t think it helped matters that the film was a silent film set to music and it was all in German. I don’t know any German so I had a very hard time trying to work out what they were saying. Thankfully, the subtitles were able to help me. Besides from those things, I found the film to be rather enjoyable. One thing I want to bring up was Lulu’s hair. It didn’t look good, in my opinion. But that didn’t stop the hair trend as the haircut would later become known as the “Lulu”. Now, whenever I think of Lulu, I get horrible flashbacks to that Lou Reed & Metallica album the made together where the only thing I remember from that was James Hetfield singing “I am the table!” In 1998, Roger Ebert said “Louise Brooks regards us from the screen as if the screen where not there; she casts away the artifice of film and invites us to play with her”. If you have seen this film, then leave your thoughts in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1929’s “Pandora’s Box (Die Büchse der Pandora)”

Film – Pandora’s Box (Die Büchse der Pandora)
Year – 1929
Director – Georg Wilhelm Pabst
Staring – Louise Brooks, Fritz Kortner, Francis Lederer
IMDb Rating – 8/10
My Rating – 7/10
 
Based on a play the opening credits told me!
Act One
Ma’am, I’ve check your pipes! Shall we drink?
Lulu’s haircut is awful!!
You are a creepy looking man
“Schigolch”
Is Lulu attracted to men over 60?
You two can’t possibly husband & wife?
Oh God they are!!!
Don’t mind me, just stealing half of your money
“You’ve come a long way”
“We haven’t seen each other in years”
OK, so… are you her dad?
How are you drinking that when the lip never came off?
“Do you still dance?”
Dance to my harmonica – No harmonica music is being played! Just violins!
“You’ve forgotten everything”
The old man has a guest for Lulu
He’s outside across the street – Rodrigo
Dr Schon is coming!!!
Quick! Hide under the window!
Here’s a bottle of gin! Now shut up!
Dr Schon looks suspicious
You haven’t ironed that suit coat have you?
Also, I thought he had a black eye…. It’s his monacule
“I’m getting married”
“Won’t you kiss me?” – No! My cigarette is better than a kiss!
Dr Schon just dropped his cig!!! And there isn’t an ashtray in sight
Come on, Dr. Just do me! Look I’m lying sexually on my bed!
“You’ll have to kill me if you want to be free from me”
KISS ME BITCH!!!
Meanwhile…. The old man is still in hiding
Where did the dog come from?
You’re afraid of that dog?
Is it safe to give dogs gin to drink? 
Dr Schon have spotted the old man!!!
“First patron!” – What does that mean?
“One does ones best”
I’m leaving!
The old man waves Rodrigo to come to Lulu’s room
Rodrigo arrives at Lulu’s door
I’m so big I have to walk sideways through doors!
LOOK AT MY MUSCLES!!! 
End of Act One
 
Act Two
EVERYTHING’S GERMAN!!!
Type type type! Look at me type!
“Dr Schon’s behaviour is making this marriage impossible” 
Wait!! Who’s he marrying? Is it Lulu?
You are clearly not playing that piano
Bitch! You ruined the song!
Alwa is shown the designs for his show
Everyone in the 1920’s is a smoker!!!
“What is Lulu doing?”
Lulu arrives and starts swinging on the bed pole
She tells them about Rodrigo wanting to do a variety act
“You want nothing from me because you don’t love me”
So… Is Lulu a slut?
Lulu wants the designer to make her a costume
Leave her with me
Who’s this bitch?
She’s minging!
Dr Schon arrives
“I forbade you to come in here”
“I haven’t come to see you”
ALWA!!!
“Please get me Volume K from the dictonary”
Here you are, Dr, all words starting with K
So… who’s in love with who?
“Why don’t you marry Lulu, father?”
“One doesn’t marry such women! That would be suicide”
Dr Schon’s outrage made him flip his chair
“What did she want?”
“Someone wants to do a trapeze act with her”
“No Trapeze! Use her in the revue”
“One more thing: beware of that woman”
 
Act Three
It’s time for reherseals
Look at her twirl
Don’t do the twirl
OK, I’ll do the spin
You clearly don’t cool confortable in that outfit
Get you helmet on!
Look! Flowers!
What Roman play has a random noose hanging around?
MORE FLOWERS!!!
Don’t just stand there and wave! Get me down!
The director jumps off and lands on a fat man’s shoulders
Excuse me, I’m stealing your wife!
You’e marrying her?
What does she have that I don’t?
Lulu went from happy to sad and I don’t know why
You can’t leave the show in the middle of it
“I’M NOT GOING ON”
SLAP!!!
“Bring her to her senses”
Look at my wavy finger!
Look at it wave!
“I’ll dance for the world, but not for that woman”
I don’t know what’s happening…. But I’m enjoying it!
“Tell them to start” – Me and Lulu have to…. do the do!
IT’S SHOWTIME
You have no boobs! This makes Dr Schon ANGRY!!!
OW! Dr Schon just trapped the director’s arm in the door
Was she laughing when Dr Schon was shaking her? SEND FOR THE MAN (cue 8-bit Michael Jackson)
Now I’be abused you, time for a smoke
“Smoking forbidden here”
GODDAMN IT!!!
Why are you laughing? Because you kick your leg
Wait!!! After all that!!! They kiss!!! 
Lulu is a twisted & weird
Alwa and Dr Schon’s wife/mistress have seen what has happened
Now I can finally have my hotdog
Alwa finds Dr Schon and says he’ll marry Lulu

 

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