Kes #MovieReview

Aye up lads, it’s film 38 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” challenge, 1969’s “Kes” (remind me to never use Yorkshire phrases again). Rather enjoyed it. And I’m glad I don’t have a brother. Jud was a complete bastard in this film! Also, I thought Jud and Billy’s Mom were a couple at the beginning and I was really confused them they started saying Jud is Billy’s brother. This film is a favourite to both Karl Pilkington (An Idiot Abroad) and director Krzysztof Kieslowski (Three Colours series and La double vie de Véronique (The Double Life of Veronique)). In a BBC Radio 4 interview, the child actors who were beaten (actually caned on the hand) by the character of the school headmaster were paid an additional 50 pence for their trouble. The Yorkshire in this film was dubbed over for American viewers as apparently “American’s don’t understand Yorkshire people”. As a Yorkshireman myself, I understood most of the Yorkshire terms and even learnt a few as well. Also, the headmaster in the film was an actual headmaster! Not an actor! Although I did say in my write-up that he looked like an old looking Wayne Rooney with hair! One question I have is about some of the adult actors, why do they all have red faces? They all look like they spent too much time sunbathing in Scarborough. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 1969’s “Kes”

Film – Kes
Year – 1969
Director – Ken Loach
Staring – David Bradley, Brian Glover, Freddie Fletcher
IMDb Rating – 7.7/10
My Rating – 7.5/10
 
Are that couple sharing a single bed?
Get up!
Wait! It’s father and son in the same bed?
“Hands off cocks, hands on socks”
It’s clear that no one loves each other in this household
Shout out to schools in Barnsley
Someone’s stole his bike!!!
Looks like my estate… only cleaner
Run Billy run!
How has he not ran out of breath?
Time for the rounds… delivering papers
MILKMAN!
He just stole them eggs… and the milk!
Nothing like looking out at the mills reading Desperate Danny”
I’m reading a comic in film!
Back at the shop
Time for school
“German Bight.” – It’s part of the shipping forecast?
How can you have a girlfriend at that age and take her to Sheffield? – Like I can talk
So throwing stones at people’s windows wakes them up?
Time for a scroll through the woods
Is this what it’s like when you go hiking? – Haven’t been in a while!
KESTRAL!!! 
If my mate, Joe from uni, was watching this with me, he’d be giving me a right bollocking for naming that bird wrong
Billy really wants to see that kestral’s nest
Billy wants to train the kestral
“Where can I find out about them?” – GOOGLE!
That librarian looks sunburned
They won’t let him rent books because he’s under 21!
Who’s Noel Coward?
Billy’s really good at sneaking things in his coat
Back at home
This dad is an asshole!
So are Billy’s parent’s swingers?
Why does everyone look sunburned?
Nothing like a bit of spit to help with the cleaning
Jud is clearly looking for the first woman who’ll say yes to shagging him
He was hitting the snare drum and no snare drum noise was playing!
Billy’s mom says Billy is a “hopeless case” – To quote a song by Swedish band The Hellacopters “Hopeless Case of a Kid In Denial”
Time for a drunken sing-a-long
Is he singing about an 18-inch cock?
Back at home
Jud comes home… drunk!
Jud hates trousers
Nothing like hearing a 15 year-old repeatedly saying “Pig” and “Bastard”
Billy runs away into the night and is back at the kestral nest in the morning
He’s climbing the wall!
Billy’s taken the kestral home with him so he can train it
I’d love to know where Billy got that glove from considering B&Q and Homebase weren’t around back then
Cue the training montage
GRANDSTAND THEME!!!
Think he spelt stimulating wrong
Did I just watch child porn?
Even the P.E. Coach looks sunburned
That is the shittiest looking goalpost I’ve ever seen
Why does the fat kid have to be picked last for the team?
This P.E. Coach thinks he’s Bobby Charlton
We’re in Old Trafford! It’s Manchester Utd vs Tottenham Hotspurs
GOAL!!!! It’s 0-1 to Tottenham
That was a right dive
Didn’t know Billy Bremner played for Tottenham in ’69 – He was currently at Leeds and had been since 1959 and left Leeds in 1976
Who’s the ref?
It’s 1-1! Controversal penalty from a dive had to be retaken and scored on second attempt
He just got red carded for calling the P.E. Coach a “Twat”
So “Bobby Charlton” is the referee and playing for the team?
I guess goalkeepers have to keep themselves entertained somehow
It’s 1-2 to Tottenham!
Final score – Manchester Utd 1 – Tottenham Hotspurs 2
You have to hand a note to not have showers?
He’s just made the showers cold! What a bastard! All because he lost!
Billy looks anarexic
I just saw underage balls!!!
Back with Jud whos off to work at the mills
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s off to work we go (whistles)
Time for choir practice
They have church seminars in school?!?!
They told someone off for coughing in assembly?!?
Billy takes his kestral out around Barnsley and shows it off
He’s called the kestral “Kes”
That was a dream!
Billy got told off for sleeping
This headmaster looks like Wayne Rooney with hair
The headmaster says its a waste of money and time having schools
IT’S THE CANE!!!
Why is everyone laughing?
Cane to the palms
All that little kid wanted to do was deliver a message
Time to learn what a fact and what fiction is
So is this story meant to describe a house party on a school night?
Billy doesn’t want to admit that he trains the kestral
Someone brings it up and Billy ends up talking about it
They keep calling it a hawk
Now I’m learning about how to train a kestral
Billy says he doesn’t want to let his bird fly free 
Think that got Billy in people’s good books
Time for a school fight!!
FIGHT!!! In the coal!
Why is there a pile of coal?
Playground rules – When there’s a fight, everyone runs towards to watch it
Billy’s opponent got blamed for both the fight and for smoking
This teacher is the only person in Barnsley that likes Billy
Billy brings up the headmaster caning the little boy who wanted to deliver the message
Time for career advice 
Billy invites the teacher to come watch him train his kestral
Where’d he get that gun from?
Jud’s note doesn’t sound good
Out on the field
Billy and the teacher are kestral training
The teacher watches from a distance as Billy trains Kes
Billy says he raised a fox once
Time for more of Billy’s stories with the teacher in his shed
Later that day at the bookies
Crackpot 100-6  to win
What a name for a horse – “Tell Him He’s Dead”
At the Fish n Chips
Two shillings for Fish n Chips and six pence change – This really is old
At the butchers
That butcher just gave Billy free meat!
NOT MATHS!!! 
35606 x 254 = 
2518 / 86 = 
324/9 x 16/24 = 
Billy doesn’t do maths as Jud has arrived at the school
Jud is at Billy’s classroom calling him a “Fuckin’ Twat”
Billy hides under the desk to try and avoid Jud then sneaks out of the room
Billy escapes outside after Jud starts kicking toilet doors in then beats up a kid taking a poo
Billy then hides in a girls gym changing room and escapes again into the boiler room
Later that day
Billy is spotted by the headmaster and is sent to the Youth Employer
It’s Peter and his mom!
Billy heads into the Youth Employment Office
Mecanno?
Billy didn’t find a job and says he doesn’t want to work in the mills
Panic on the streets of Barnsley
Billy runs home and finds that Kes has left the shed
Wait… Jud and Billy are brothers?!?!
Billy’s neighbour says Jud’s horse would have made him £10 with a 100-6 odd
Kes is gone!!!
Billy tries looking for Kes in the woods
That doesn’t work
Jud admits he killed Kes!
All because Billy didn’t put the bet on his horse
Billy finds Kes in the bins outside… dead!!!
Billy runs away from his home with Kes and gives her a proper burial
THE END
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