1981’s Evil Dead #MovieReview

Film 29 in the “1001 Films to See Before You Die” is 1981’s Evil Dead. I really have no memory of what I have just seen. All I remember is Linda’s annoying fucking laugh when she becomes possessed. That really annoyed me. I even compared Cheryl’s laugh to Mr Blobby’s and said she looks like an old woman without make-up. One thing I remember was the amount of blood. A lot of blood. I haven’t seen that much blood since I watched a CZW Tournament of Death when they first started (When Nick Mondo got hit in the stomach with a weed-wacker). Very bloody film. I was hear all this about how it’s the scariest film ever and I didn’t find anything scary. Honestly, I was bored for most of it. But I perked up when some action started to happen. Overall, I wouldn’t mind watching the two sequels (Evil Dead 2 and Age of Darkness). If you have seen any of the Evil Dead series, even the recent remake, then let me know your opinions on them. Here is what I had to say while watching 1981’s Evil Dead

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Film – The Evil Dead
Year – 1981
Director – Sam Raimi
Staring – Bruce Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss, Richard DeManincor
IMDb Rating – 7.6/10
My Rating – 6.8/10
 
Winter’s coming by the looks of things
We see our cast drive through the forest and come close to crashing into a red pick-up truck
Ash is bad it reading maps
That was close
The steering wheel has a mind of it’s own
Silly fisherman, he’s not honking at you
There heading to a cabin in the woods
“This thing is solid as a rock” – Bridge then collapses – You were saying?
They arrive and everying is quiet
I don’t like the look of this place
That swining bench just stopped swinging! – POLTERGEIST!!
Scott opens the door and it’s very smokey inside
There’s a lot of things attached to string hangin from the roof and I can’t quite make out what they are
The sun sets and everyone heads inside
Nice drawing of that clock
It’s stopped moving
Who left the window open?
What the Hell is going on?
Is she possessed?
I would care more if I knew who she was
Her shakey hand draws a scary face then the trap door starts banging
At dinner
Ash has a tost for everyone
Suddenly the trap door opens – I’m now expecting clay animations to come out 
It’s just some animal! – I bet it’s not
Scott ventures down the trap door and doesn’t respond to Ash
Ash then goes in
Seems like a normal cellar, just very dark
Scott isn’t there after the camera does a 360 pan around
Is he behind the door?
Ash goes to check and it leads to what looks like a dark kitchen
Scott is there and he’s alright 
Scott appears to have found a shotgun
Ash then finds a book with drawings of skulls and demons
Scott then finds a dagger with a skull carved into the handle
That drawing has colour
Thunderbolt and lightning, Very very frightning me!
Ash then plays the tape they found
The tape has a recording of the last person who last visited the cabin
It talks about the book Ash found, The Book of The Death
That’s right, sing The X-Files theme because why not
Anytime someone says anything demonlike, it never ends well
Cheryl’s voice just broke the window
Ok it was the tree branch
Just take the box already
Inside this box is a small magnifying glass that acts as a necklace
KISS ME BITCH
Outside the cabin lurks a demon who watches Ash and Linda make a fire before watching Scott & Shelley strip then watches Cheryl brush her hair
Cheryl has a look but can’t see anything outside
So like a idiot, she goes outside
All is quiet out in the woods
Spooky noises
That tree just fell over
That cameraman hates trees!
Twigs then start wrapping themselves around Cheryl and tear at her clothes
One twig cops a feel
Another one goes between her legs 
Is this some form of tree porn?
I’M GONNA BREAK MY RUSTY TWIGS – yes I just reworded a Soundgarden song
She escapes and runs back to the cabin constantly falling over
Stop falling over woman
Typical, the doors locked
The creature is getting closer, Cheryl
Ash saves her just in time
Cheryl tells the rest of them that the woods are alive
She demands Ash take her back into town now
He reluctivly agrees and they head out
Scott, Linda and Shelly stay behind
Typical, the engine’s dead just when you most need it
There we go, it finally starts
They head down the road and Ash stops after stopping something
I can’t see shit because of the amount of fog
Why didn’t you stay in the car?
Cheryl comes across the bridge and sees that it has collapsed 
Chopping wood, chopping wood – Did I really just reference a stupid act from Britain’s Got Talent
They return and Ash plays more of the tape
Linda and Shelly are playing “Guess the Card”
There’s a scary creature in the house
Something has possessed Cheryl
Cheryl takes a pencil and stabs Linda in the Achilles Heel
Fuck ’em up, Cheryl, Fuck ’em up (clap clap)
Who knew pencils could make good murder weapons
Scott locks Cheryl in the cellar 
Ash then goes to tuck Linda into bed
Scott advices that they all leave in the morning
Possessed Cheryl looks like an old woman with no eye pupils
Shelly thinks there’s something outside
Scott doesn’t believe her and tells her to go to bed 
The creature breaks into Shelly’s room via the window and Scott casually goes to investigate
Shelly’s not there! – Duh Duh Duh
Scott then notices a door that is left ajar that leads to the bathroom
Shelly is possessed and attacks Scott
She scratches his face
Scott then throws her into the fire
Well Ash was helpful
Possessed Shelly tries shoving Scott into the fire then tries stabbing him
Scott can play that game and stabs her
Possessed Shelly just bit her own hand off
How terrifying is that scream?
So when you die and are possessed you spew milk instead of blood
SHIT SHE’S STILL ALIVE!!!
Excuse me, I must ax you a question!
Scott starts chopping Shelly into pieces as Ash watches on
Is she dead now?
Lets asume so
They collect all her pieces together and take her into the woods for a burial
Linda is still sleeping?!?! HOW???
Ash and Scott talk about leaving Linda behind so they can leave the cabin
Scott says he’s leaving now
Ash is left with Possessed Cheryl and sleeping Linda
Possessed Cheryl sounds like Mr Blobby
Scott returns with his leg covered in blood 
It turns out Linda is now possessed as well
She appears to have clown make-up on
Even with the volume on full I can barely hear anything
Scott says the trees are alive before blood pours out of his mouth
Possessed Linda & Cheryl just laugh at Ash
Ash grabs the shotgun and doesn’t shoot her as Linda returns to her normal state
Cheryl appears to have turned normal as well
Ash goes to unlock the cellar but it appears Cheryl is still possessed
So wait… Ash and Cheryl are brother and sister and Ash and Linda are boyfriend and girlfriend
Oh great, Linda is now a creepy clown
Ash decides to drag her outside and leave her there
I think Scott is dead from blood loss or uncontious
Nope he’s dead
Linda reappears and stabs Ash and licks the blood of the dagger before trying to stab him again
That’s not how you carry a dagger
Linda’s laugh is not annoying me
Linda then falls onto another dagger and dies
Cheryl’s still here in the cellar being Cheryl
Ash then straps Linda to a table with chains and goes to chop her in half with a chainsaw
He changes his mind after seeing the necklace he gave her earlier and cries
Ash then carries her outside and buries her in Shelly’s grave
Oh shit, Linda’s still alive!
Cheryl finally breaks free from the cellar 
Ash places Linda into the grave and begins to bury her
Poor Ash, he’s got no mates now
Linda then rises from the frave and claws away to Ash’s leg
12 shots to the head with a plank of wood doesn’t kill her
Ash then beheads her with a shovel and finally fucking dies
You got red on you
Ash returns to the cabin and realises Cheryl has escaped
Ash is ready with a shotgun and shoots Cheryl
Cheryl no-sells this and goes after him
Ash then goes into the cellar and falls down the stairs
He goes into the cellar and everything starts playing itself
blood is everywhere
Ash does look like he’s been in a war
The blood causes the protector to explode and also causes a lightblub to explode
Church bells!
Ash leaves the cellar is on the hunt
BE VERY QUIET, I’M HUNTING CHERYL!!
I think he found her after slamming the door
That mirror just turned into a sink filled with water – That was a cool visual
I hear footsteps
Ash reaches into his pocket and takes out the necklace he gave Linda
Hi Cheryl
Ash shoots Cheryl right in the cheeckbone
Scott then returns and drops The Book of The Death
EYEPOKE OF DOOM
Scott now has no eyes
That looked nasty
Not a fan of squirting loads of blood
Cheryl then breaks don the door and joins in the fun
Scott has Ash’s ankle
Ash is fighting this and tries using the necklace to get the book
Scott bites at Ash’s legs s Cheryl beats him with a stick
Ash then throws the  book into the fire and it kills them
Cheryl and Scott then start melting into piles of clay
This must have really have been made on a budget
Ash has won 
Is that mashed potatos pouring out of Scott’s arm
Hands then shoot out of Cheyrl and she flys into the wall killing herself
“Join us” echoes and fades away
Scott melts into piles of mash and guts
Morning has arrived and everything is back to normal
Well apart from the fact Ash has no friends as he killed them all
Ash leaves the cabin and walks away 
The creature is still on the loose!
It heads through the house and gets Ash
Cut to black
THE END
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