Living in the Shadows of my Problems

Before I start, I just want to point out that it took my nearly 30 minutes to convince myself to do this. I was going to talk about the problems I face daily at some point, and I guess I chose this day to do so. 

Growing up was never really easy. My family were your average everyday people who get up in the morning, work 9 to 5, go home and do it all over again the next day. Until it gets to the weekend where they get some time to themselves and relax. But that’s a lot harder nowadays with businesses filing for bankruptcy. This year along in the UK, we’ve lost HMV (a music shop), Jessops (a camera shop), THQ (a video game company known for making Saints Row, WWE games and a lot more) and loads more. 

I used to have a job. I worked in for a mail order company. Think Amazon but a lot smaller. The only reason I left was so I could focus on university coursework and start my radio show at www.ramair.co.uk. But since then, I’ve been struggling to make ends meet. In the five plus years of going photos for bands, wrestling shows and other things, I have made a total of £15 and a bottle of Bulmers. Not a lot, I know. I only just recently started selling my photos on Etsy and Folksy but as of yet… no buyers. 😦

But that’s just the start of my problems. Ever since I was born, I have been with a disability known as “Repetitive Language Disorder” which is a form of autism. Now, you ask any of my friends about me and my disability and people will either respond with, “Really?”, or “I never knew that”. With this disability, I find it very hard to talk to my friends. Any time I work a gig, I’m usually by myself. I won’t even talk to them online either. I don’t even post statuses on Facebook just because I fear that people will either forget that I’m their friend or they’ve blocked/unfriended me. I’ll post my photos just to show where I’ve been and what I’m up to but apart from that… nothing. 

School wasn’t easy for a while. Especially the first few years of high school. I would be bullied left, right and centre. From name calling to getting the shit kicked out of me. It got to the point where I was about to make a noose and call it a end to it all. I would scythe school just so I wouldn’t get bullied. It was only until someone in my class saw me in tears covered in blood on the floor that they realised that it’s gotten too far. Two days after Christmas 2006, when I was in year 9, I flew to Orlando for a holiday and came back on a Friday only to take another week off so I could have surgery to remove a cyst in the gums of my mouth. When I came back after surgery, people were getting concerned, because to them I’ve taken all of January off. When I explained everything, people started to realise some of the problems I had at the time that were later overcome. 

I never wanted to be the kid who was the smartest in class. I never wanted to be the A+ student. I wanted to be me! But that’s harder than it seems. I never got great grades in high school. My GSCEs were four C’s, three D’s and two E’s. But that was enough to get me to college where I did a Radio Media course. In those two years at college, I walked away with three Merits. which is equivalent to a B. My university grades aren’t great either. My average mark is 60%. My highest is 69% and that was for my light streak artwork that I posted in a previous blog called “A Taste of What I Do”. But as I enter my third and final year, I walk into it having passed the second year with a 2:1 equivalent. 

There’s still those little problems that I face daily but those, I feel, aren’t as important as the ones I’ve talked about here. In long short, I have conquered most of my problems over the years. Proving everyone wrong. I enjoy doing what I do for a living whilst the bullies of my past are at home with a baby on their lap that belongs to their ex-girlfriends, on the dole and not enjoying it one bit. I hope you have enjoyed this. Thanks for reading

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